October 2020

Home.

Written on Friday, October 17th @ 3:40pm

It was a very windy windy drive home but we made it. My reason for making another update was to let our prayer warriors know that Justin has passed. We do thank you for all of the prayers for him and his family.

You know, Thursday night when we went back to our hotel rooms to do our 9:00pm Prayers for Justin, I then began to work on the update for Crystal, and at that moment Crystal had let me know that Justin had gone into Hospice.

In January 2020 Justin, Tasia, Gage & Crystal went to a Hockey Game, something Justin was excited to do.

My first thought was God is answering the prayers and going to give him peace and rest. But then I immediately thought, gosh maybe that is not right. Like, we want him to stay here. I don’t understand but instead I just stayed quiet, as Crystal states it is not fair, I just need him to be here when I get out of surgery. 2020 sucks. Cancer Sucks.

At that moment I called my mom, and the first thing she says to me is, the prayers are working, he is finding rest. He is not afraid anymore. Tiffany, everyone is praying and at that moment he is not afraid. It is God. And hearing that from my mom, gave me peace of mind. It is so hard to trust.

So I finish my update, I talk to God. I sleep in this beautiful hotel and think what do I have to complain about.

Now after her surgery, knowing she is doing surprisingly well, the first thing I mentioned to Crystal when I got to FaceTime her was, my experience of feeling her tell me she was okay. I told her that it was scary and neat at the same time but I also immediately was so taken back that I put my books away and did my best to think of something else. I told her I actually felt guilty afterwards because maybe I shouldn’t of been afraid. Maybe I would have learned more about myself, or this journey if I would have let it play out.

She says I don’t know mom, I was thinking of you but I didn’t feel anything. I actually had Justin on my mind a lot. And mom, there is something I want to tell you, but I don’t want you to be sad. The minute I could ask Gage how Justin was doing, Gage said he had passed. And as sad as it is mom, I think he was with me. I have never felt this good after a surgery. Never. I really think he was with me…I believe it.

Well, I didn’t want to share any of this until his update became public. And once it did I received a few messages asking if this is the Justin we were praying for. So I then knew, I needed to update Crystal’s Story again…

I always say, We all have a story. I always say, Life is a Journey. But even more importantly, life can be so scary unless you have faith. And even that takes work.

Thank you all…For being kind. Thank you for making a difference in my life, our lives.

Right after surgery! Look at that smile!

Written on Saturday, October 17th @ 9:45am

My fighter! This is her right after surgery. Holding her new lung pillow! Gage Barnett it is a beautiful photo, you captured such a thankful smile. Crystal Marie Barnett is doing well and will be going home soon. Our prayers have been answered. I feel so blessed and ready to start a new chapter. It truly is remarkable how well she is doing. #godislistening #prayers #lungablation #pancreaticcancer #neuroendocrinecancer #7yearsurvivor

______________________________________________________________

I got my text!

Written on Friday, October 16th @ 4:30pm

A pic before surgery!

Gage said she is in her room! I’m so relieved💜 So far so good! Thank you for the beautiful support today for Crystal Marie Barnett & our family💜 We will be staying another night before heading home💜 Courtney, Cassidy & Alec we can breathe….The photo of Gage & Crystal was before surgery & then the text I got from Gage💜

Waiting for this text!

________________________________________________________

I feel her…

Written on Friday, October 16th @ 1:45pm

It is a chilly day here in Rochester but I sure have a beautiful hotel to sit in and wait for updates on Crystal. On the 6th floor and gazing out the window the trees are so colorful and I think the change of the season is beginning, a fresh new start. A reminder that we all can start over, whatever it maybe. Thank you for the reminder of that today God.

Gage what a beautiful photo you took, thank you.

Gage is at the hospital and has been sending cute photos of them before surgery this morning. Surgery was delayed. It was to be at 9am and was switched to 11am.

When I walked with them over to the hospital doors the three of us did an elbow touch and smiled through our masks. They went in and I walked back with a good feeling, find those blessings.

As I wait, I begin my prayers at 11am. Crazy how my life is so different making sure I take the time to do that. One of my devotional books for today, spoke of rainbows. What a coincidence that was. It spoke of a child with autism, a child who gave a nickname of rainbow dash, I found that a strange read for the day.

First off, the last time they were here, they saw rainbows and Crystal loved it.

Second, Crystal keeps telling Cassidy to make the baby room in a rainbow decor style, something Cassidy doesn’t want. lol

Third, yesterday before Cassidy’s doctors appointment she spoke of hoping her baby would be healthy, I had explained to her that God gives us what we can handle, he knows what you do for a living, so God knows you already have that under control, so just embrace this time. Trust the path.

Fourth, Crystal and I were looking at the Erin Condren planners and I said I would buy her one, she said I will take the rainbow one since Cassidy doesn’t want the baby room in rainbows, I will settle for a planner in one. lol

I smiled at that devotional and found it strange to be that one for this day but maybe I am just reading into it.

And then…the craziest thing, I am not sure how to write it. I am sitting at the table, I have been praying for over an hour. And then I get this anxious, heart racing feeling. I feel Crystal, I feel like she is here with me, I feel like she is trying to say she is okay…It freaked me out so much that I shut my books and looked back that the stove to see the clock said 12:15pm. I took some breaths and honestly it scared me. My eyes began to water. Am I crazy, am I making it up? I texted my dear friend Kevin to see what he was doing and to tell him what just happened. His response was beautiful. But then, our family doctor, the one that found the cancer, our friend calls me, he was thinking of Crystal and thought he should reach out…needless to say I started to cry.

And at that moment Gage is texting, I call him and he says they took her back about 12pm but she was very nervous, so they gave her something to calm down before she went back. Gage, thinks she was probably asleep by 12:15pm. So you prayer warriors, as weird of a feeling that was, as much as it scared me and made me question if I was making it up, I feel like she was here telling me she is okay.

I am so glad I am here….

Surgery tomorrow…

Written on Thursday, October 15th @ 9:30pm

Crystal has surgery tomorrow morning. Her journey started on Wednesday of this week with getting rechecked and visiting with doctors to confirm this procedure again, but this time we needed a little extra help from the doctors to find confidence in this round.

So the last surgery did not go as planned. As one of the team of doctors stated, “This is the first time I have ever seen something like that happen. I have been a doctor here for over 20 years, that should have never happen, especially here at Mayo”. The doctors let her know that she is small but there should be no troubles getting the tube down her throat.

FaceTime with her Dad…

Crystal “didn’t have surgery” but yet she did, just nothing got accomplished. She was tired, her body was sore, her neck ached, she was coughing up blood, she couldn’t talk, and it took over a week to get back to normal.

With this procedure going the way it did, it made me realize that I will be going to Rochester and sitting in the hotel across the street and Crystal totally agreed. So, I am here. This procedure also made Crystal think about a lot of things in life. She really has a unique way to look at life because of the road she has to travel.

We are lucky to stay in a new hotel here in Rochester, I must say it is amazing and it sure takes your mind off of tomorrow doing something different here.

Tonight we FaceTimed her dad and then headed back to our rooms to start our prayers for Justin at 9pm. Justin is a very dear friend of theirs who is battling his own cancer journey, and I know he really needs your prayers at this moment.

And Crystal says to me, mom please make my post about him, please he needs it. And then the tears begin…

She has got this but then…

Written on Thursday, October 1st, 2020 @ 12:30pm

Cold and dark in Rochester as Crystal & Gage run across the street from their hotel to the hospital this early morning.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true~ L Frank Baum
Crystal says the night before surgery, “Mom, we saw two rainbows today!” I am thinking it must be a good sign, thank you Gage for capturing her with it.

She can feel the prayers, she is ready. Crystal is prepped, IV in and ready to go to sleep. As the procedure begins they realize that her trachea is way too small. They tried three different tubes, which then bleeding began and then they had to stop surgery. It will be reschedule in two weeks.

She is awake, her throat is very sore, she will be checked over and then they will head home.

This means more hotel stays, another uncomfortable Covid Test, another prep, another set of worries emotionally and physically. It is frustrating but there is a reason. There is a reason it didn’t happen the way it was planned.

A positive note, she will see her family again without having to recover from a surgery first.

Thank You for your prayers, your support and your uplifting messages. They help.