We are off, and look who is driving us, our fighter, Crystal Marie Barnett. We sure would love our prayer warriors keeping Crystal in their thoughts yet again for another trip to Mayo.
Crystals sweatshirt today:
PowHERful
She overcame everything that was meant to destroy her.
The last three/four months have flown by. We have enjoyed our holidays and the arrival of Hadley, that was just 9 days ago. We actually got to enjoy lunch at the hospital on Valentines with our daughters, which will be one of my favorite memories.
How is Crystal feeling? She really is doing great! Granted a few weeks ago, she was a little under the weather, with symptoms that resembled her cancer. That brings in a lot of anxiety and worry. However keeping busy, praying, finding the good, Crystal wasn’t in that place very long.
It was sad to think about the what ifs, to think of her worries, yes there were some tears as a mom.
But the day is here, tomorrow is a day of tests, tests and more tests and then…We hear the news. Is the treatment still working? Have tumors shrunk? What will be next?
God, I sure hope you hear how thankful I am for the gifts we have received, I feel like I have been so busy, and overwhelmed that I haven’t taken the time to tell you.
Waiting for the next step….
A photo of our coffee before the news….
As we are leaving Rochester it is snowing and getting colder.
We thank you for all the prayers, texts and messages. Actually they help more than you know, it is crazy how someone you have never met can send a note of kindness and make you smile.
So we have our news, here we go.
As the door opens, your heart races and you can feel the energy of the doctor, you know something is up.
Great news, nothing new, everything is stable except one in her lung. It has doubled in size and we need to take care of it. We will learn more on how they will be doing that, and could be doing the procedure in the next week.
As Crystal said in her words, very calmly…I feel good. I am not in pain. I am going to look at it this way as it can always be worse.
Courtney & Cassidy 💜
Some of your questions.
Good morning the sun is out here in Iowa and I have read almost all of your messages, thank you for sending them. The biggest question I’m getting asked is, how is Crystal really doing? Well, I can tell you watching my daughter’s face when she received the news was heartbreaking. As you could see it in crystals‘s eyes that she was shocked, sad, disappointed, wanted to cry but also deep down knew it could be worse news, so that kept her calm. I am sure knowing Crystal like I do she feels she needs to stay strong for Gage, the family and her mom. However, Gage is uplifting. He’s positive, I know why God put him in her life, in our families life. To me he is just a kid, but gosh I sure need him there with us.
So, how is Crystal doing? She is taking it minute by minute. She is disappointed, she doesn’t want to go through another procedure, she is nervous, she has anxiety already about the next appointment and what they would find. Worry and fear can be very ugly. However, her team of doctors have always said she will fight this for the rest of her life, and that the goal is just do our best to stay ahead of it. This is where your Fighter says, “Mom I have no pain, I can walk, I can go outside, I can breathe. I feel good. I’m going to trust my team of doctors because I’ve already beaten the odds, and that’s really how I have to look at it. I feel good.”
The next big question is the treatment is not working then? And has she been doing the treatment this entire time? The answer is the treatment is working, as we can see. The tumors have shrunk, and they have not multiplied, except for this one tumor in the lung that has doubled in size. The treatment that Crystal did do, which was four infusions that overtime is supposed to do what it is exactly doing. It is working, granted that can change at anytime but for now I am going to go with that it is doing its job. But those infusions are done, they continue to fight in her body. Now we wait, we do the every three month appointments and fight whatever pops up. And hoping we can always fight. If that makes sense.
And the third question, how are you mom? Well, secretly in the back of the car while Crystal drove us home I cried. I was doing my best to keep you all informed, responding to all your messages and thinking of all the good that we do have. However I did tell a few very dear friends that, “I swear the devil is trying to bring me down”.
Before I fell asleep last night, I started thinking of my last year. I was thinking last year I was getting ready to celebrate my birthday, put on a huge Spirit Show with some of my best friends, perform in Las Vegas, close my studio doors after 30 years on my terms, everything seemed to be going the way I wanted it to. It was going the way I planned it with the obstacles that had been put in my life. However, God filled me with hope so I pushed forward. I was proud of what I had accomplished in life, and yet I was so thankful that I had a guardian angel (my grandmother) making sure I would take the highroad in life when it would’ve been easier to not. I began thinking about how mad I was at God when I was growing up. I went to a Catholic school and I remember when I would pray I would think of all the bad things in my life that I couldn’t control and blamed him. I really didn’t talk to God much as I grew up, I believed in him but hated everything that seemed to be bad in my life.
As I grew up, raised my family, I slowly found blessings, it is hard to see them when you are young. A big blessing was starting this thing called the CR Spirits. I realized that God had put people in my life for a reason, and that reason really wasn’t about me. It was for others. With my daughter’s journey, fighting stage four pancreatic cancer, neuroendocrine tumors for the last 11 years, her fight, has help me find God. Her journey has opened my eyes to miracles. Her journey has helped me see my blessings through all the bad stuff that came with it.
But this last year, thinking that everything was going the way I wanted it to sure has reminded me how life can change and so can your thoughts. Gosh if the world could just stop for a moment so I can catch my breath.
I lost my brother suddenly. A simple man who unconditionally loved me, who had never hurt me. Really just like my grandma, she was perfect in my eyes, I was 9 when I lost her.
I have watched my mother cry the last 9 months more than I’ve ever seen her cry. I find strength in her but then my heart hurts for her. I’ve watched my nephew find himself again with some of the bad choices he has made which also tears at the heart. I have watched my brothers items be sold and yet realizing I need to get my stuff in order as I am 53.
Life really is hard, and choosing to rise above it takes work, daily. No one knows your story, no one knows what you have lived, and in 100 years we will all be gone so what is important? I guess sharing kindness, being honest and helping others. Staying away from negative people. Staying away from story tellers.
I have watched my daughters grow into the most beautiful women, and to be blessed with two granddaughters has made me smile, and it reminded me that there are other things that you can be happy for.
Devil, you are not going to bring me down…Today is a new day, you might have taken my night but not today, I don’t have time. I want to help others see the light.
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