April 2016

Crystal won this battle!

Written Wednesday, April 27th @ 6:40pm

It was a cold, rainy and windy drive home but thinking of the last few days at Mayo, the good news we received, made for a fast drive back.

Crystal, my mom and I left Monday morning for her test that needed to be done before her procedure. The appointment lasted a couple of hours. During the consultation the doctors stated they felt one of the tumors they could get to however, the other tumor was going to be difficult.

The doctor did say it would be nice to get them both and that would hopefully give her a couple of years of no detection.

All three of us had a good feeling. My mom and I were positive they were going to try their hardest and even if they couldn’t get it, they were going to give it their all. Crystal…Crystal knew they were going to get it. Crystal said, “I am not worried, they are going to get both of them”. She was very confident and even if she was questioning if they could get them, she never said it out loud.

With that being said off to the Mall of America for dinner and to go on the “Flight” ride. Such a breathtaking ride. As I said to my mom, it is a ride that takes you away. It is like you are on the outside of a plane feeling all of the beautiful things God has created. It is better than looking at photo of a mountain, it is like you can feel it. There are so many beautiful things in this world. Things we don’t even think about because we take it for granted especially if we don’t travel much. And what I can tell you is my mom absolutely loved it. I think I saw a tear.

It was an early night and Crystal lit up when Gage arrived that evening. Rod, Crystal’s father, could not make the trip this time. Getting ready for the wedding, Rod has taking on a lot of side jobs. Thank goodness for iPhones. Rod, Courtney and Cassidy were just a phone call away, it was nice to know they had each other back at home.

We arrived at St. Mary’s Hospital at 5:30am on Tuesday. Crystal was is good spirits. Gage is personable, polite and seemed to make us laugh a lot. You didn’t even have time to think about what was going on because Gage would say something funny. He is very witty. They took Crystal back around 8:20am.

On the main floor of the hospital there was construction going on all around us. So things were a little different this time. We were in a small waiting room. Gage was on his computer, he had work to do. I played on my phone for a bit, chatted with my mom and people watched.

When you sit in a waiting room for hours you can’t help but feel for others that are in the waiting room with you. Here is just one observation:

My mom and I watched a mother with her daughter that was 2 maybe 3 years old. They were in the waiting room before we even arrived. And I know they were there for at least 3 hours with us. It was just the two of them. She was Islamic, we thought maybe from Africa. They brought in a interpreter to help her understand that her daughter needed an MRI. You could tell everything was new to them. My mom and I helped her as her daughter was not feeling the best. Her daughter was so fragile, they both were so quiet.
As it was finally time for the MRI, the mother got up and smiled at us. You could tell it meant a lot that we tried to help her. But what broke our hearts was when her mother returned to the waiting room without her daughter. We knew how the MRI worked, we knew she wouldn’t be able to go back with her. You could feel her pain, her sadness. You could tell she wanted to cry out loud. My mom and I looked right at her and said it is going to be okay, and even though she could not speak much english she said, I guess it is the right thing to do. It broke my heart. At that moment I felt blessed. I was blessed to have Gage and my mom with me. It is such a lonely frightening feeling and this woman was alone. I wonder where she is today?

I was starting to get a little restless after about three hours in that room. After asking how things were going to the lady at the desk, the nurse came out of the surgery room to state that Crystal was doing well. They got one of the tumors and now they were going to begin the next one.

I was happy with that news but we still had to continue to wait and pray.

I would close my eyes and talk with God. I would Thank him. Thank him for the options that Crystal received this time around. I thanked him for No Chemo. The good that has come out of this journey. I told him how many of you think I have such wonderful faith and yet I feel guilty because I don’t even know if I do, I am just trying to figure things out. I thanked him for filling me with HOPE. That is one thing God gave me a lot of.

I know it sounds funny but I would try to picture God in my head and Crystal. I would try to see if I could feel anything and then that would spook me out so I would immediately say Thank You and open up my eyes.

Anyway, we sat in this small waiting room for 5 1/2 hours. My mom on my left and Gage on my right. It was busy in the waiting room when the doctor came out to give us the news. He is a very tall doctor, blonde hair and I couldn’t stop staring into his eyes. He said he got both of them. I could tell he was proud to say it. He worked so hard. I couldn’t believe I was hearing him say it. I couldn’t help the emotions. I cried. I tried to stop crying so I could listen but then I cried again. I remember looking at Gage trying to be strong but I was so happy I was crying.

We did go to a late lunch and then we finally got to see her. Out of all of her surgeries, this one she looked the best. She is always smiling but this time she had color. And I said to Crystal as I touched her forehead, “Honey they got both tumors” she said, “They did? I knew they would”.

Gage stayed by her side all night. And I must say the four of us slept very good. Sound asleep. It is crazy how tired you are when you didn’t even know you were. Stress can do that to you. So can tears.

What is our next step? At this time, we know there will be a follow up doctors appointment but not sure when. Will she do Chemo? Well, not for the summer 🙂

As for Crystal, since 2013 we can now say, she has beat cancer ~ 3 Times!!! This last battle just took a little longer to win.

Change of Plans…

Written Wednesday, April 20th @ 6:00pm

As I am sitting in my office at work it is quiet and dark. I have not turned the studio lights on yet, I am just staring at my computer and trying to prep for dance tonight but my thoughts keep reflecting on my day.

Today was suppose to be a fun day. Crystal and I were off to Read Photography, not to talk about the Spirits Photo Shoot but Crystal’s Wedding Day. What a fun day it will be. Getting things organized for her special day puts a smile on your face. But then she received a phone call from her doctors at Mayo.

Everything was good. Everything was exactly how it should be. Chemo for two months, break for two months, possible surgery in August. But then, the surgeon spoke and thought…hmmmm I think I can get those tumors.

Crystal’s team of doctors feel they have a good chance to get them with the Liver Ablation. Remember she did that two years ago. With that being said, ironically they have an opening next week. Is that a sign?

Here it is, my daughter calls me to tell me what the doctors have said. Her voice sounded excited, yet concerned because she had a plan and it was changing. She has her own thoughts but yet she is not sure.

Gage was her first call, he is supportive, encouraging and yet Gage reminds her that it is her choice. She then calls me. What to do? Ultimately it is her decision. But I can tell she really wants someone to make the choice for her. But again I remind her, it is her decision.

As we talk out her thoughts. We listen to our gut feeling.

Monday at dance, Crystal was explaining to Kaitlin how the Chemo is really taking a toll on her. She explained to Kaitlin that somedays she worries that she will get another form of Cancer because of the Chemo killing all of the good cells. As Kaitlin was surprised to hear Crystals concern, I must admit so was I, we don’t talk like that. So today I said to Crystal, do you feel you need a longer break from Chemo? As she answered Yes…then I said there is your answer. With this procedure there would be a longer break from Chemo.

We talked about the complications that could happen, however there can be complications with the next two rounds of Chemo. The fact that they feel they can remove these tumors or get to them is a blessing, so we go for it before the tumors have time to think and take over her body.  I can hear Crystal crying through the phone.

I told Crystal lets get off the phone, you go read some devotionals, listen to your thoughts. And ask God for help? I am going to call my mom and I will call you back.
As I was on the phone with my mom, Crystal was already texting in…What did grandma say? I immediately told my mom, Crystal is beeping in mom, I need to go.

As I told Crystal her grandma’s thoughts I also told her to call our family doctor, call Dr. Geodken. Ask for his opinion. But no, she wanted mom too. So I did. Crystal now had her opinion along with Gages, Moms, Grandmas, Dr. Geodkens, Dr. Hollis not including her team of doctors from Mayo…So she has decided. Liver Ablation on Tuesday morning.

As I told Crystal…I think God chuckles when he sees that we have made plans because only he knows what truly is going to happen.

Our next step…

Written Monday, April 18th @ 11:00am

The windows are open, the breeze is nice, the birds are chirping and my coffee is tasting pretty good. What a beautiful morning in Iowa. Actually what a beautiful weekend in Iowa. Now time for an update.

We learned last Friday that Crystal will continue with her Chemo. Crystal will have two more rounds before she will get a break.

It is not a fun thing to think about. It is not a fun thing to go through. I can’t even imagine how she feels. You are fighting for your life all the while being so sick that it is hard to get out of bed. Being depressed thinking will I do this all my life? Struggling with memory and asking yourself why me? As a parent, it is hard to watch her go through it. You can see it in her eyes. Some days so tired, confused and sad but doing everything in her power to push forward. Crystal’s Spirit is a beautiful one, she let’s no one ever see that side of her because she does not want to be treated differently. She actually puts on a pretty good act so the ones that love her deeply don’t worry because ironically she ends up feeling bad for them.

Just think when you have the flu or a terrible cold. Do you feel like going to work, doing laundry, cleaning the house, getting groceries…taking care of your child who you unconditional love can be difficult when you are sick. Can you imagine that, all the while mentally knowing that you are fighting for your life. That you are hoping to beat this Cancer. This Cancer that the doctors said that you would not be here at age 23. The Cancer that they said is a Chronic Illness that you will fight for the rest of your life. A disease that can change in a matter of minute. Do miracles happen, they sure do. Crystal is still here and Crystal turns 24 on May 11th.

Yesterday, I spoke at the Health Expo in Cedar Rapids. I was trying to say to the crowd that there are some good things with this round of Chemo. We all know that Chemo is hard and we hate it but Chemo is what is keeping her alive, keeping the tumors from growing/spreading. And the bright side with these couple of rounds is the timing.

See Crystal will not start her next round until April 25th. So she got to enjoy St. Patrick’s Day, Memphis, Easter, her “New” Birthday, her Sister Courtney’s 21st Birthday, the Professional Dance Team’s Party, her Great Uncle’s Bret’s Birthday and the big one…She got to move into her new home with her fiancee, Gage. Yes, Crystal and Gage have moved into their new home to begin their new memories. We all know moving is stressful and what a blessing that she was not on Chemo during this time.

With your prayers Crystal will get through this 1st round of Chemo and then celebrate Mother’s Day, her 24th Birthday and a trip to Vegas with the Spirits. Just in time to start that 2nd round of Chemo and once she finishes that round…It will be her two month break and the wedding festivities begin.

I kept thinking to myself, what is everyone going to get out of what I am saying. This is the third year I have spoke…It’s the same story, I am Tiffany, the owner/choreographer of the CR Spirits Dance Studio for the last 23 years. I am a mother of three and one of my daughters has Stage 4 Pancreatic Cancer, it is a everyday battle. But when I asked myself and whispered to God what do I say…all that came to mind was the truth, like always. Share her story. Share what we are living. So when I spoke…It was not to state look at what she gets to do. It was stating that life goes on, you have to live it, you have to keep planning as difficult as it can be. Because in reality life continues to go on all around you. And somedays that a can make you sad when you think of it that way but on the same token, it can make you appreciate what you have.

Now as for surgery. We are waiting to hear from the surgical team…We are hoping that she will have an option for surgery in August. However, it will be after her scans and after taking a couple of months off of Chemo.

Your prayers are wonderful and up lifting. Thank You. Enjoy your week and always try to look for the good.