6 years ago today…
Written on Wednesday, March 27th at 11:30am
6 years ago today, around this time in the morning, I was heading to my uncle Bret and aunt Michele’s home to tell the news that we just had just received. I knew that they would help me find a way to tell my mom. Rod, Crystal and I remember sitting at that kitchen table with Bret sitting across from us. I could barley talk. Rod and Crystal were silent.
2013 Florida vs 2019 Nashville
This week has been extremely hard for me. I think it has been 3 years since I have truly broken down. Sunday, we were on our way home from our Spring Break Vacation to Nashville and what do you do for 9 hours in the car, besides talking, listening to music and looking at the beautiful country side, I guess you also play on your phone, look through your photos and smile. On my TimeHop App it shows memories from this day in the past, I go take a peek and see that 6 years ago we were coming home from Florida on this day.
Gosh do I remember that trip, I remember how sick Crystal was, how we had no idea what was going on. I remember we didn’t do much on that trip because she had no energy. As I begin to start thinking of the last 6 years I realize that everything is coming down to the exact time and day of events.
Instead of coming home Sunday from Florida we were coming home from Nashville.
6 years ago on Monday Crystal was teaching dance in the 5:30-6:30pm time slot when she had an attack at the dance studio, it was scary. I remember standing behind a door in the dance studio calling our family doctor that night. I then start to think my goodness Crystal will be teaching dance again in the 5:30-6:30pm time slot and she will even have a few of the same students in the class. Then my mind races to think of what those students would remember from that night.
I realize quickly that Tuesday, was a scheduled MRI Scan 6 years ago and that this coming Tuesday was going to be a Doctors Appointment at Hall Perrine, blood work and a check up from her last round of chemo.
And then that Wednesday morning walking into our family doctors office, it was quiet and I was ready for answers, I will never forget it. Never.
Which now brings me to Mayo we were immediately going to be seen the following week at Mayo in Rochester, Monday April 1st, 2013 and crazy to think that 6 years later we will be going back to Mayo, Monday April 1st, 2019. The scare, the worry, will never be like the first time but it also never gets easier.
Alec thank you for planning a wonderful trip to Nashville with your family & our family.
Arriving home from Nashville we all had a wonderful time but for some reason Monday morning hit me hard and the tears would just not stop. I tried so hard to get it out of my system before seeing Crystal that evening at dance. I received a phone call from a friend of mine who could not get me out of her head. As I told Shannon, it has been a horrible day and don’t know why I keep thinking of her cancer. At that moment Crystal walks into the room and sees that I am a mess. She panicked, “Mom what is wrong?” I quickly get off the phone as I try to convince her that really it is nothing, I then thought to myself, tell her the truth. So I said, “Well honey, I seem to be struggling with your cancer today and I just don’t know why, I must be tired”. And she says, “Oh mom, my cancer? Here I thought someone just died. See mom no one died and I am good”. As I stared at her and smiled we both laughed. I told Crystal you are right. I need to embrace this moment. And then I ask Crystal, I know we have sad days but have you been like this where it is uncontrollable because I feel like I have not done that in so long. She explains mom, I am scared, I do worry, I do feel sick but I feel numb to it at the same time. And I told Crystal, yes numb to it, that is a perfect way to say it because that is how I normally feel.
So here we go again Monday, April 1st. I pray, I beg for another miracle for my daughter, for my family. I pray, I beg you all to join me in lifting my family up again at this difficult time.
And I try to remember…
So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. Matthew 6:34 NLT
Happy “New” Birthday Crystal!
Speak Your Mind