June

It is finally Wednesday night, and I love Wednesday nights because it is the CR Spirits Professional Dance Team practice. This is one of my favorite nights of the week. I get to dance and have fun with some of the most amazing women is Cedar Rapids, IA. This Professional Dance Team has kept me going through some of my tough days.

About two weeks ago I was able to start dancing again and it felt sooo good! Coming back into the dance room makes me appreciate dance and the girls a lot more. I got to the point with my cancer where I was so sick I didn’t know what would happen next…”what if I could never dance again?” would run through my mind and I hated it. I told myself that someday I will get back
up and dance better than ever. I want people to know that with your mind you can do anything. After I had my major surgery I would sit in my hospital bed with no music or TV and I would just image me up and dancing strong again. And guess what…I am! I am stronger and better than ever. I have a whole new appreciation on life and I love it!

For now Chemotherapy is going well for me. I am a very strong and positive woman so I try not to let the tiredness and nausea get to me. Yes….I have my days where I just want to sit in my room and cry and yes….I have my days where I don’t understand why I got this nasty “C” word called cancer. But I know someday I will be done with this nasty cancer and I will get to say I beat it and now I am cancer free. I can’t wait for that day!

One thing the Chemotherapy has done to me is put tiny little sores on the bottom of my feet, which makes it hard to walk. So my mom and I went and got pedicures yesterday at City Looks….I think my mom is so worried about my sores on my feet that she started getting sores on her feet….no joke…she has sores all over her feet. No new shoes, nothing different…All I can say is…weird! Mom, quit worrying about me!

Now this weekend we have a special event we are going to. It’s the V Foundation for Cancer Research. I am so excited I get to be a part of this. 380 Companies is putting on this event in Riverside, IA. Dick Vitale will be here. My mom says he speaks so passionately. He believes in this research. Another cool part about this is my mom gets to speak! What an honor it is for her to be chosen to speak. She is so nervous, but I say she has nothing to worry about. You will do just fine mom! I love you!

Love, Crystal

Chemo Pills

1st Round Done!

Written June 14, 2013 10:39am

It’s Friday. “Oh how the week flies by” or should I say “Oh how life flies by”. Crystal has finished her 1st round of chemo last Sunday. How did she do? She did great! It probably helped spending a night at Penguins Comedy Club for the Crystal’s Benefit Night. Crystal said she laughed so hard she couldn’t even finish her pizza. I wished I could have gone that night but it was a weekend full of graduation parties. It was extremely kind on the comedy club to help raise money for Crystal. Thank You. Which reminds me…we have been working on sending out thank yous…If you have not gotten one, and would like one, please
let us know. We have probably sent out over 250, there are hundreds that we don’t of course know how to reach you, and we
still have lots to do.

In the last post, when I talked about the pill that she would be taking for only 5 days, and that it may get the best of her. Well, Crystal kept herself busy those 5 days and she told herself “I am not going to get sick”. Her attitude is amazing. We know it’s only the first round but hey, you have to keep that positive attitude, that hopeful feeling or then where would you be?

Taking these chemo pills I would say causes a little anxiety. You have to watch how you feel, making sure there is no fever, no heart palpitations and other signs that can occur during this time. So when your daughter says, “Mom, I am going to Chicago for the weekend. I can’t wait!” You immediately think, “You just started that pill for 5 days. We don’t know what your body is going to do with it. You will not be near the hospital here that knows what is going on with you. If all of sudden you were to get a fever or
something, where would you go. You are driving alone? You are tired and your body needs rests. Are you kidding me?”

It is my job to point these things out. I mean a parent’s job is look at the whole picture and shed some light on things your child may not see. But she did remind me the positive words that I tell my girls, “to live life, to travel, to enjoy” and with that she stated, “What do you want me to do? Sit on the couch and wait to get sick? To lay here all weekend and wait for something to happen?
Mom, you always say to live life that is what I am trying to do. I am not sitting here worrying about it. Besides I could die in a car accident!”

Now, as a mother I must say it is difficult to let her go, to let her live her life. I have always raised the girls with the attitude, to live, to dream and to go get what your heart desires. To live in the moment but before making a huge choice in their life, think of what that option could lead to in their future. I want them to not rush life, to live it, something I have struggled with.

I want them to surround themselves with positive people and to smile at the ones that bring them down, that is what I do. But now I have a daughter that has cancer, I would love to just lock her up in her room, here at home. I would be able to watch her every move and make sure she is not getting sick. I could protect her better. We know that is not going to happen. Even though I
want that, deep down inside I want her to live, to travel, to grow confidence and grow as a woman.

Crystal went to Chicago and had a wonderful time. She took her moments to sit when she needed. Did she feel ill? Did she feel tired? Yes and yes but she didn’t let that change her weekend. I am proud of her. Heck, I am even proud of me that I didn’t dwell on her leaving, I just let her live.

Now I must say when she came home, Sunday night. It was her last set of pills to be taken for this round and she was not feeling good. I knew it was bad when she wanted to stay here at home. Don’t we all getting a little more emotional when we see our parents or maybe a dear friend? I know I can stay pretty strong, but then there are those people in my life, I can hear their voice or see them, and the tears will fall. I am sure with a fun weekend she had it was nice to come home and be pampered. She didn’t have to be strong, she could relax. She could be Crystal.

Crystal has continued with as much normalcy as she can. She eats healthy. She drinks plenty of water. She listens to what the doctors tell her to do. Crystal surrounds herself with positive people. She continues to exercise. With that she has noticed she is getting sores on the bottom of her feet. It makes it difficult to walk, let alone dance. This is a side effect from the chemo she is taking. She can get sores on her feet, hands and in her mouth, which can be extremely painful. And with her just getting back on the dance floor, I don’t see her stopping anytime soon. Her goal is to perform this Saturday the 15th for the Crystal’s Benefit Ride. It starts at Double Inn at 9am, then ending at chrome Horse at 4pm, with a performance around 5pm. I sure hope her feet hold up because I know that her smile is.

On another fun note, Crystal and the CR Spirits Professional Dance Team just got done with their photo shoot at Read Photography. She didn’t have to be on her feet much for that, just smiles. A lot of things have changed this year in the Spirits that we had originally planned. We have moved our 20 Year Spirit Show to another date, lots of tears on this. Crystal would have to tell you how she felt on that choice that I needed to make. It was hard for me but I feel I made a smart decision. Plus our photo
shoot was cut in a half because we will wait for the full shoot for when we get ready for our 20 year calendar. You will
have to look for the posters this season. I am making a Cancer One, Cancer Awareness. Cancer does not discriminate; Cancer Sucks but it CAN’T Take Your SPIRIT AWAY!

Cassidy, Courtney & Crystal

Chemo has begun…

Written June 4, 2013 4:15pm

What can I say on this chilly rainy day in Iowa except we are trying to live a normal life.

It has been very busy here. Since my last post, my daughter Cassidy will now be a Junior in High School
next year. My daughter Courtney just graduated, she will be attending Kirkwood Community College, plus we just
learned that she got a $2000 Scholarship. Yeah Courtney! And Crystal has begun her chemo. All three girls are onto a new journey into their life story. I am very proud to be their mother.

When people say to me that I am so positive, I must say sometimes I think you just don’t know me that well. But then I think, things can always be so much worse. How great that my daughter Crystal got to see her sister graduate. That my three daughters could be a part of this graduation party and visit with our family and friends. That is a gift.

It’s so much work to get ready for a graduation party. I guess really any kind of party when you care. There is planning, cleaning, scrubbing, and organizing. I took a deep breath right before her party was to begin; I thought this a beautiful memory for my daughter, Courtney. I am such a perfectionist that I needed to tell myself, that I need to enjoy everyone here today too and not be stressed.

Getting ready for graduation you go back through so many photos of the girls growing up. Oh how those many photos I took, make you want to go back in time. Things that I thought were stressful back then would be a breeze today. Would I do things different? Yes, more family vacations. Yes, more professional family photos.

I have to say Crystal and I have had a couple of bad days. Let’s just say sometimes doctors can be so honest, brutally honest. One of those days took place at the dance studio. It was a Thursday night. We were trying so hard to get back to normal, that Crystal and I thought we could run everything just like we used to, but the tears began to flow. Replaying those doctors’ words in your head, your mind begins to wonder. And you begin to lose control. The parents in the studio were so kind and patient. Thank you…

To think of your child living until she is only 23 years old, breaks your Heart, your Spirit, your Hope. To hear your daughter at 21 years old wanting to freeze her eggs for possible children in her future and knowing at this time she needs to focus on her, makes you sad. Watching your daughters eyes as she is listening to the doctors tell her to focus on today, to live each day. Honestly, makes you lose your Strength. Then you have to take a moment, find yourself, and get control of the situation the best you can. Finding a game plan, talking to God, journal writing and finding something good in everyday is the best form of medicine out there. I am still a parent to three daughters and it’s my job to keep them going and to look at things in other ways.

Crystal started chemo on Memorial Day. Crystal takes her chemo by pill form. She takes it every morning with breakfast and every evening with dinner. For 5 days she will be taking another pill before bed. She will take chemo for the next 6 months, 2 weeks on and then 2 weeks off.

I must say when Crystal first took that pill, she was at her apartment and I was at home. It was in the morning, I was freaking out. I mean it is a pill that is going to possibly make her very sick. Ugh! I called her; I stayed calm and relaxed but kept asking her what it was like? She was like, “Mom it’s a pill. I took it and that is it”.

I guess I thought she was going to turn into something immediately. Or her personality was going to change or she would be sick right away. I have no idea what I was thinking. I just know I never wanted my girls to take any kind of medicine as they grew up and now my daughter is taking very very strong medicine.

If you were to see Crystal today, she looks wonderful, her Spirit is high. She has been on her chemo medicine for over a week. Crystal can sometimes get the metal taste in her mouth that you sometimes get with chemo and at times she is very tired. She has a very hard time waking up in the morning. Other than that, things are going rather good. Yes, she does have some big side
effects that may come up but for now we are hopeful she won’t have to deal with all of it. However, the next pill she takes may make her very very ill, she starts that Wednesday evening.

Last night at dance Crystal made the remark, I don’t want to take that other pill. You could see in her eyes that it bothered her but she was going to remain positive. As her mother, you smile; you look down and take a deep breath.