September 2020

The plan remains.

Written on Wednesday, September 30th, 2020 @ 1:00pm

Such a windy day, so windy I wish it would blow that cancer away. We hoped it would be a different plan with no surgery but ultimately we know that she has tumors in her lungs. We know that Crystal has Stage 4 Cancer. We’ve been lucky the last 7 years with all of the prayers we’ve received, to always stay ahead of it, and so that is what we do again. She fights to stay ahead of it.

Crystal will be having surgery/lung ablation bright an early tomorrow morning. There is a tumor in her right lung that has grown, so it is best to get it out of there and not wait. There are a couple of more tumors in her lungs but they are too small to get at this time.

Some good news, her blood work looked great, there was no tumors in her liver, and nothing new popped up and it looks like only one has grown! We will take that news.

The next positive thing is, Crystal will be one of the first patients to use the new state of the art Lung Ablation Suite and Floor. And everyone gets a private room after surgery. That sure makes you feel good when you can’t have any visitors but one.

Crystal is not alone in Rochester, she is with her husband. Gage, is very good and respectful at keeping me informed. Crystal misses her team that is always with her but she knows we are with her in Spirit.

We have raised a very considerate daughter. Crystal worries about her husband and her mom with the choice of only being able to have one person with her. She worries about our feelings, our thoughts, our opinions, and then worries about her choices, her future, her cancer. With that being said, the three of us spoke on the phone and decided that I would stay back in Iowa and wait. My plan was to go, stay at the hotel, not really see her but through a window and just knowing that I was across the street would make her feel better. But after speaking with them, I feel this will help Crystal put herself first. It will help her just worry about her, not unconsciously worry about me being across the street not being able to see her. Thank God for technology, we will just FaceTime.

Am I sad? Yes. I hate Cancer, I hate Covid! Please help me continue to have Faith.

On another note, something that made me tear up & smile. Crystal calls me with her news and then it is my turn to make the calls to the family. I always start with her father, then her sisters and then my mom!

As Crystal says, “Hey mom, when you call my sisters will tell them all the good stuff. Like let them know I am okay. I don’t want Cassidy worrying. I want her to take care of herself. We need that little baby in the family. So don’t let her worry”. 

God has a plan.

112 Days Later…

Written on Monday, September 28th, 2020 @ 2:30pm

A chilly day in Iowa, I am loving my sweatshirt with a pair of shorts, my hair in a pony and the fireplace. Even the trees are changing, I guess it shows life keeps moving on.

112 days since I last updated you on our fighter. 112 days of life that we won’t get back. 112 days of our world that is continuing to change as we struggle to find the good in each day, to find peace and to learn to have faith. So much has happened in the last 112 days. Did you make the most of it? I did.

Yes, this virus has stopped the world but that doesn’t mean you stop living. That also doesn’t mean you judge others on their choices in life. A very simple rule of thumb, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing”. And remember, there is always someone that doesn’t like you…the crazy thing is, a lot of times it is simply because of what someone has said about you. With that being said, that is why it is so important that you do you. That you believe in you.

Crystal is doing well. Yes, she has the fight of her life. Yes, she worries about the “what if’s”. Yes, she has the same issues as others, with life, being a woman, being married. And then the Derecho hits Iowa, a hurricane and now she worries about her roof, water in her home, the insurance and let us not forget the worry of her sisters home, her families and the guilt of wanting to help everyone.

2020 has been pretty rough for so many people, that you feel guilty asking for prayers, positive vibes, or help. People have changed because of Covid, with losing loved ones, jobs, their security in life, well what they know of it. Then throw on a Storm, a hurricane and the fear of money, insurance, the clean up after a disaster, the loss of personal things. Even having electricity, or having phone access makes you realize what you take for granted.

As Crystal recently said to me, “Mom, I have struggled the last four months. When I see people that I follow fighting cancer and not making it as far as I have. The people that don’t have the love and support that I have. The fact that the Storm could have been so much worse for my home or for our family. I look at the frustrations that this virus has caused in my relationship, but I would rather have someone that takes it seriously than not. I find myself feeling guilty that I am struggling mentally when I know it could be so much worse. I guess I have Survivors Guilt”.

And as I respond, “That it is a normal feeling, so even if you were not fighting cancer, you would still have those feelings. It is okay, too not be okay and the fact that you see it is a positive thing. It will pass Crystal as long as you make your own choices, with your own beliefs. As long as you listen to that inner voice, it will pass in time”.

So here we are, tomorrow, Tuesday morning Crystal will be heading out very early for Rochester. She will have tests all day, including a Covid test. At this time she is scheduled to meet with the surgeons on Wednesday morning and then with surgery to follow on Thursday. At this time, I am not going because of Covid. As a mother, a caretaker it is heartbreaking and shocking but it is in Gods hands. One thing I have learned through these last 7 years is that having an advocate at the hospital with a loved one is extremely important. Yes, there are wonderful nurses and Yes, there are some that are not so wonderful. Having an advocate at your side, takes less work away from the nurse and makes others accountable and let’s not forget what it does emotionally for the one trying to get better. A healthy positive attitude surrounded by a loved one makes a world of difference.

But the one thing I can say is in the last 112 days Crystal, you did live life. You did what you needed to do. And you did it without judging, with being safe, having a positive attitude and more importantly with having faith.

Crystal you celebrated, you embraced the:

*News you got 112 days ago!

*Father’s Day.

*Spirits Professional Dance Teams Year End Party & decided to do another Spirit Show!

*4th of July.

*Your sister, Courtney’s Wedding Shower.

*Your sisters Bachelorette Party.

*Your parents 30th Wedding Anniversary.

*Courtney & Alec’s Wedding.

*A Storm!

*Your dad’s 50th Birthday.

*And sending your dad off on a positive note with his new Job.

And then you were blessed to learn the news of becoming an Auntie in April of 2021! Yes, a new life for our family, a new outlook. God has a plan. And Crystal you are here to change the world, to make a difference.

Yes, I am going to be a grandma! Rod and I are excited, shocked, but very excited. Our youngest daughter Cassidy and her significant other, James are expecting. Needless to say, Crystal is over the moon & Courtney well, let’s just say we went shopping and looked at children’s clothes for the longest time. We are all ready to embrace a positive journey with this new little arrival coming in 2021.

Thank you again for your love and support. I am sorry I have not been the best in updating more frequently but it has been a challenging year for all of us. I hope this update makes you smile, I hope it inspires what you needed to hear today.