September 2019

Next Step Mayo, October 8th-9th…

Written on Tuesday, September 24th @ 1:00pm

Good afternoon our beautiful prayer warriors. Thank you for your kind thoughts, positive energy and little messages the last few months. What a beautiful day in Iowa today. The sun is out, I can hear a breeze, I can hear lawn mowers and then I see my neighbor mowing away and I think goodness, his oldest is off to college and they only have one at home. It puts a smile to my face to see how life continues and how blessed I am that they are my neighbor. And now I wait for Crystal to get here and go on our afternoon walk.

Crystal did it! She got through her last round of chemo before her next visit to Mayo. Has it been easy? Well, she is extremely good at making it look easy. Since I have last updated you Crystal has done three more rounds of chemo, a total of 8 rounds of chemo just this year. It is getting tiring.

A family picture at the Celebration of Life for Bill. (Rod’s older Brother)

Crystal has learned with her last visit to Mayo that she is not a candidate for immunotherapy but we try to stay focused in the moment and not worry about what we can’t control. Just push forward with what we are doing.

Before starting this last round of chemo, Crystal had her typical Hall Perrine Visit with her doctor to make sure her blood levels were good before starting. I met Crystal there and arrived with a Starbucks Coffee for her, she had already finished her blood work by the time I had arrived. With a smile I hand her the coffee and sit right next to her in the waiting room. I am positive and full of energy, Crystal smiles and looks at me and whispers, “Mom, I don’t want to do this anymore”. My smile immediately went away, I was surprised by the remark, she has never said that. I looked at her and saw a tired little girl, and then they called “Crystal” it was time to go back to the room. I followed behind her as we walked, I stared at her feet and held back the tears as my stomach turned. What was I going to say to her that she hasn’t already heard?

We get into the room, we wait for the doctor, it is quiet, we sip our coffee and I quietly say, “You know honey, you are here today because you keep fighting. You have to keep fighting. We don’t have a choice.” Crystal says, “I know mom. I know. But I have done this for 6 years and I am tired.” I must admit, it sure is hard staying positive all the time.

Courtney is Getting Married! Congrats Courtney & Alec!

As our beautiful doctor enters the room with that contagious positive energy she has, it lifts you again. And again, you feel hopeful. And then Crystal asks question, a question that deep down we already know and think about but to hear the words come out of her mouth is hard. Crystal begins, “When I go back to Mayo in October, and lets say that new spot they found last time I was there, they now can see is a tumor? Or maybe they found another new spot? Or maybe the tumors I have, are now growing? Does that mean my chemo no longer works?” As I sit in the chair and watch the doctor listen to Crystal, my heart begins to hurt. And when the doctor answers her and explains that yes, it would mean it is no longer working. And then explains to Crystal we can try other types of chemo. As soon as the doctor is done and they finish up the conversation, the doctor turns to leave the room and I watch Crystals head drop down. I can’t seem to get that vision out of my head. And she looks at me and says, “Mom, I am tired”.

With all of that being said, Crystal began her round of chemo.

What keeps us positive, is living. Living life to the fullest. Embracing the moments you have together. Being thankful for what you have and how life can be so much worse. With that being said, we have had some exciting things happen the last couple of months. We took a family trip to Chicago at the end of August, in the beginning of September, Courtney got engaged in Colorado!!! And yes, like Gage, he asked for our blessing before he proposed. I am very excited for another beautiful blessing that will be happening in May of 2020. And of course, the CR Spirits started their training for the Spirit Show in February 2020. You know, I said yes to another Spirit Show for Crystal and deep down I wondered if I could find that desire again in me to pull it off. The creativity, choreography, organization and strength can be challenging on normal day and then to throw in a Show. But I truly believe that God has his hand in this. I have my quiet time with him every morning and I have put my journey in his hands. I have asked him consistently if I am doing the right thing and to give me a sign. Well, to have 23 women volunteering on this dance team, to make up Team #27 is definitely something higher than me. And crazy, I have found me again. I have found new energy, new love and peace that I never thought I would have. And that is because of Crystal’s Journey.

You know I met a beautiful woman in Ulta Beauty a couple of weeks ago, I firmly believe God wanted us to meet. Rod had recently lost his brother suddenly, and the worry of the last doctors appointment with Crystal had been bothering me. After talking briefly, I could feel a connection, as she says, we need to thank him daily and I jump right in and say I do. She says no, we need to thank him in advance for the miracle he is gong to give your daughter next month. That is how we are going to pray. And you know what, that is exactly how I have been praying. I am thanking him in advance. Please join me.

To the woman who has recently messaged me and asked how I found God and how come I believe. Oh honey, my mom has raised me to believe. She always would say, when you feel you have no one, when you feel alone, GOD is always there. That there will be a time in your life that you will need to know that, otherwise you will go the other way.  But honestly, with so much bad stuff in my life growing up, I didn’t believe it. I always felt it was my grandmother guiding me, watching over me. But when Crystal became ill, you feel so alone, lost, mad and scared. Then you start seeing strange things happen. Like something higher than you. Realizing that “believing” fills you with hope. You feel better, you feel like you make a difference, you feel at peace. And you understand that everything you have gone through has brought you where you are suppose to be. Everything. 

Stop. Sit still. Listen. Trust. And remember when it is quiet, that is also a gift from God.