September 2018

Wonderful Wednesday

Written Wednesday, September 12th @ 9:00am

Sitting in my kitchen, drinking some coffee and watching “Christopher” excuse me, “Chistopurr” play.  Yes, we have a new addition to the Kuehl Family.  Approximately a 4 month old kitten.  A veterinarian happen to rescue 3 little kittens that were left in a box, behind a local store.  I guess so they could die?  People can be so mean.  I never thought I would be a cat mom but goodness he stole my heart.

I thought today would be a good day to share how Crystal is doing.  Your fighter is strong, happy, confident and living.

We have learned that Crystal’s next Mayo Appointment will be on Wednesday, October 31st.  It breaks my heart to hear her say she doesn’t want to go.  She is not the only one that is afraid to hear what the doctors find but to stay on top of this fight she has to go.  Now how do we keep from worrying, from stressing about the appointment, well we keep busy.  We keep planning.  We keep living.

Crystal has a new journey going on in the dance studio, so that is keeping her Spirits Alive.  Let me share a little bit about this journey.

I started the CR Spirits 25 years ago.  I just thought it would be nice to get out of the house once a week to dance.  To have an adult dance team like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders only here, locally.  I mean I married young, I wasn’t going anywhere so where could I do something like that only here in Cedar Rapids?  See I have no former dance training but I love music and for some reason, I could/can choreograph steps quickly to music.  Do you believe in Guardian Angels?  I do.

I gave myself a goal to have a dance studio of little girls in just three years after starting this Professional Dance Team of women.  You know what?  It came true.  In a couple months of starting this dance studio we had a year waiting list to get into the CR Spirits.  

For 25 years I have been blessed with opportunities that you could only dream about.  Oh yes, I have had my share of negativity but I smiled through it all even on those days I question those thoughts, those people, those remarks.  I could share stories with you…

And now today, my children are older, I am older and I feel like the last 5 years has been extremely hard to run this dance studio through everything we have gone through as a family.  A dance studio is uplifting, creative, positive and fun, yes…it should be fun.  But it is hard to be the owner/choreographer and yet a caretaker to someone who you unconditionally love that needs you.  Some days you just don’t want to dance, choreograph, and smile through it all.  Yes, Crystal’s journey is my journey.  She is my daughter, her life affects my life.  Isn’t that the way life goes?

I wanted to make it to my 25th year with the CR Spirits.  Just think, a dance studio who has been in business for 25 years.  Who has been changing the lives of girls/women for 25 years.  Who for 25 years has had 25 Professional Dance Teams with approximately 13 women every year volunteering throughout this community.  These women gave their time, their talent, their life experiences to help build each other up and build a network and all along they were supporting me.  It wasn’t until I grew older that I realized what blessing that is.  Again, I believe in Guardian Angels.

So with Crystal’s last cancer fight, I explained to Crystal that I am exhausted.  I think it is time for a new journey for both of us.  It is time to say good-bye to the CR Spirits.  I am 48.  I am not sure what to do but I do know that I want to leave on a high note.  I am proud of where we are and what we have accomplished over the years.  I am proud of the guts, the courage and the strength that I had in me when I was the only one that believed in my dream.  I will miss it but I am ready embrace something new.

With those words I watched Crystal cry.  I watched the tears roll down her face as her eyes stared into mine.  She knew there was a possibility but I don’t think she thought I would do it.  As she says, “Mom, we can’t end this.  I love dancing.  I love performing.  I love teaching.  It helps me feel alive.  It takes me away.  We are good at it.  We are good at coaching and building others up.  We make a difference.  You just can’t quit the CR Spirits.  I have lived Spirits my whole life.  What if my cancer comes back, I need Spirits in my life.  It has helped me beat it.  You can’t quit this, please mom.  Don’t you want to change more lives mom?  How many people can say they do what they love?  Seriously mom, like you say people forget their passion, their love and they become bitter, gossipy and negative.  I think this is a bad idea.”

Needless to say it broke my heart hearing her talk, watching her cry.  She made me question everything I was confident in doing.  The next two days I prayed, I begged, cried and prayed some more.  I asked God for a sign, to give me strength, to give me a new outlook, to give me something.  I actually felt guilty asking him, why…because he just answered everyones prayers with Crystal’s fight and now I need help again.

But I listened to my gut again, my inner voice.  And chatted with my dear friend Kevin.  Yes, there will always be someone better than you.  There will always be someone who does not like you.  But does any of that matter?

Funny thing, I asked Rod for advice.  25 years ago Rod didn’t really care what I did.  We were both 23, already married 3 years with a one year old.   Marrying young we had obstacles, we both were still growing up.  Rod didn’t think the CR Spirits would ever take off and goodness when it did, the jealousy became apparent.  Marriage, family it is a journey, why share that with you?  Because sometimes if you can hang on through that rough patch you can get to the other side.  If you would have asked me 25 years ago that Rod would have a positive idea for the future of the CR Spirits I would have rolled my eyes but look, 25 years later, I liked what he had to say.

So yes, a “New Experience” for the CR Spirits begins in October.  No one can say I didn’t try.  No one can say I didn’t use the talent God gave me.   www.crspirits.com

I have to take a moment and thank some pretty incredible people that made this last journey a little more hopeful.

*Some parents in the dance studio who started the gofundme page.  You know at first I was reluctant to do this when you first came to ask me if it would be okay for you to help us.  It is such a humbling, an embarrassing feeling to have people give but I could feel how excited and happy you all were to help, to feel like you were doing something for my family.  It is very hard to just say Thank You, very hard.  So again, Thank you Amy, Laurie, Tammy and Stephanie for being positive, thank you for being hopeful.  Thank you for loving us and making us feel special.

And to the people that gave to the gofundme page, we are blessed and we are thankful.  I hope you each received our thank you’s and know that money is there waiting for the expenses.

*Crystal’s new Fighter T-Shirt has been a blessing.  I am so glad I saw the image on Facebook that gave me the idea to do it.  Thank goodness Showbiz Screen Printing could capture her look.  I will be doing orders again but you will have to come to the Spirits Studio to prepay.  I will not order extras and will not order ones that are not prepaid.  To everyone that has purchased a t-shirt, Thank You and I must say you look good wearing it!  We are taking orders until October 12th!

*Dirty Shirley’s thank you for making a special night for Crystal.  Think of all of the memories you helped others make that night in honor of Crystal.  Thank You Heather.  The money that was raised went to her hotel expenses for this last procedure.

*Crystal’s Lip Balms from Raining Rose.  They’re perfect and we only have about 60 left.  Thank you Cam for coming up with the idea.  For surprising us with such a thoughtful gift and then to sell them for our expenses while we are at Mayo.  As Crystal says, “These are nice lip balms, they don’t dry your lips out.  I am surprised how good it is”.  Thank you again Cam.

*My high school friends, what can I say, 30 years later and I am blessed to say that you are still in my life.  What a beautiful surprise to all go to Crystal’s home to say prayers.  Wearing purple, holding candles and if that is not enough you come with kind gifts.  You made her feel special, you made me feel even more special and I hope that you know if you need me, I am there.  I can still here your words Rachel but I don’t cry maybe because I have no more tears, I just smile because I feel blessed.  Thank you Rachel, Kris, Nicole, Barbie, Christine, Rita, Kelly, Lydia and Dan.

*BJ and Andrea you sure made Crystal and Gage smile with all of the dinners.  They loved them but they didn’t share lol

*And my dear friends Amy and Anthony.  I cherish our history, I think that is what makes our friendship even more special.  Thank you for raising two beautiful strong girls with kind hearts.  Alanna and Amyah for some reason Crystal’s Story has touched you both but I love even more how we each find strength from each other.  On another note, we are thrilled that we get to watch you on TV again this year. 

*To everyone from family, friends, neighbors, to the anonymous ones, your positive energy, prayers, cards and gifts have been felt and we can’t thank you enough.

As for the rest of the family,

Rodney just celebrated a birthday on August 29th.  As always he is working hard and would do anything for his family.  He actually plays on a Bocce Team and is doing really well.  He is in the Championships Friday night.  Go Rod!

Courtney loves her life.  She is enjoying being 23.  She loves her career, she loves clothes, she loves working out and I love her.  Courtney has enjoyed her year by going to many music concerts/festivals.  Actually, Rodney and I will be joining Courtney and Alec at the Justin Timberlake Concert at the end of this month.  Another memory maker coming up, I can’t wait.  I love Courtney’s spunk, I love how she has her opinion and is not afraid to say it.  Courtney plays volleyball on Thursday nights and I never seem to get there and get a photo, ugh.  But I bet Courtney is glad there are no photos being taken.

And Cassidy, she if doing well.  Such a heart she has.  Here is the post from FB.

Your first day of Kindergarten you were excited to be big like your sisters, you were happy to be doing something new, however you were nervous and scared too. Those butterflies in your tummy I’m sure started all over again on your first day of school this year…excuse me, I mean work. Congratulations Cassidy on the job you’ve been wanting for two years. I think the timing is right this time. God had a plan, he needed you to go out into the world a bit to see what it’s like, to learn from others, to find your path and helping people is what you enjoy the most. Funny, you always knew it. You have had a job since you were 16. You have learned that you are hard working, dependable, helpful, kind and organized. Those are huge things Cassidy and I think you are starting to see what positive qualities those are. You have met some wonderful people along the way and just like in school you have learned that their are many types of people. That’s how you learn, that is how you grow.
Prairie School District is lucky to have your kind heart. Because Cassidy this is what you are passionate about. You will be an incredible Paraprofessional. You will be ready to touch the lives of some of those students because you will remember the anxiety and bullies you have met along the way. I’m proud of you.
By the way, thank you for sending me a Snapchat of your first day so I could have a pic.

I end with a message I found….  “So far you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. You’re doing great.”