September 2015

We have an appointment scheduled.

Written on Tuesday, September 1st @ 5:30pm

I am sitting in my office and excited to say Crystal is here at the Studio! She is trying her hardest to finish out the day but Crystal is here! The Junior Spirits are lucky they will get to see Crystal in person.

Crystal has heard from Mayo. On Wednesday, September 9th starting at 6:45am she will begin her day of tests. She will also be meeting with the surgeon and her oncologist team.

At this time the doctors do not feel that this is any kind of infection and it is not the pancreas leaking. They do feel it is fluid. Sometimes after surgery your cells become unbalanced and fluid gets in there and Crystal has a couple of fluid pockets. Honestly, I really don’t know the doctors terms but this is how I take it.

We have put our trust in Mayo and so far they have not let us down, so we are again going to put our trust in Mayo. Prayers are welcomed.

Crystal is taking it day by day. As far as her upcoming vacation I guess that is safe to say she will determine that day by day as well.

Last night and this morning were difficult for me but hearing from a lot of you makes things better. Sometimes it is just a word someone says or a story they share and I can tell you it helps. Thank you.

All of this worry with Crystal and life still goes on. We still have two other daughters who are growing up and need us. Just because they are now consider adults doesn’t mean you are done being a parent. Then there is the daily events of life. There are bills, medical bills, medical appointments, family events. Not including Rod and I own our businesses so making sure those are still running, that money is still coming in can be exhausting in itself. How do people do it? How can you truly not become bitter? Ignore a typical doctors appointment for $6000 every two months and that is if everything is going good. You still have gas, hotel and time off of work. Even though you may own your business, you still have to make sure it is running smoothly and someone is not robbing you blind. So again, how do people do it?

I guess a good nights sleep and having hope. Hope that life is better. Always trying to look for the good in every day and stay away from the negativity. Stay away from drama…I guess that is how I have made to the ripe ol age of 45 with a smile.

I started thinking back to a story Crystal shared with Amy and I. She talked how at Mayo or at the St. Mary’s Hospital before any kind of surgery or procedure there is always one person in the room holding or tickling your hand.

She explained that when she was going into the CT Scan on her tummy, she had to be very still as they were putting a needle next to her spine to do the biopsy and tears were rolling down her face. Actually Crystal said, “Snot was running out of my nose which made it hard because I was not allowed to move and was given oxygen at the same time and trying not to cry. I was so scared.” Anyway the point is, she said there was one person/nurse holding her hand and when she would roll into the machine the person/nurse would let go but then minute she would roll back out, before her complete body was out of that machine a nurse would have already grabbed her hand. She said it was comforting.

It made me cry to hear Crystal tell that story. To hear her be that scared. To know that there is a nurse comforting patients like that makes you smile happy tears.

And then I begin thinking of my daughters. How when they were just babies, I wanted to always have something they would remember me by as they grew older. I always think of my grandma who did this to me. It was soothing, it was comforting, it made me feel secure…my grandma always tickled my back, my arms and my face. And to this day my daughters have no problem asking me to tickle them…which I never dreamed my daughter would need from a nurse.

Those stories…I guess is what keeps you going.

Procedure tomorrow will hopefully get rid of Crystal’s pain…

Written on Wednesday, September 9th @ 10:00pm

It’s late, I am very tired but I have heard from so many of you today that I couldn’t go to sleep without updating Crystal’s Story. Thank you for your concern, we feel blessed.

To update you from the last journal, Crystal did go on her mini-vacation.

What started off as a chat in the car on the ride to Rochester a few months back. Rod and I learned that Gage’s friend was getting married in Atlanta, GA and they were going to go. They found cheap flights out of Chicago and decided to make a mini-vacation out of it. Bears PreGame and even a Cubs Game was part of the trip, Gage and Crystal asked Rod and I to go with them.

How wonderful that Crystal and her fiancee would want to spend their little get away with us, so that was the game plan. Then Crystal’s surgery was thrown in there. But Crystal figured she would have a few weeks to be back to normal for this trip but then she developed some complications after surgery.

So, here we are today. Our flight was delayed in Atlanta, we actually sat on the runway for about an hour before they had us all get off the flight, to only get back on it about 30 minutes later. So getting home very late Tuesday night made for the 3am road trip to Rochester exhausting today.

But here is what we know. Crystal has some fluid by her pancreas. And when we say “some”…we mean a TENNIS BALL SIZE. It is located next to the pancreas which is putting pressure on her back and of course her side. The fluid can be just what you sometimes will get after a surgery. OR it is her pancreas leaking. So tomorrow morning they have a 4 hour procedure scheduled to drain it. They will then do some testing on what the fluid is. We will then get the results and go from there.

Please pray that everything goes good. The doctors hands are steady as they put that needle into her little body to drain it. Pray that it is just fluid…She has no desire on a drainage tube if it is her pancreas leaking…

As for the spots in her liver that they were watching, we have learned today that those two spots have grown, just a little, but they now can confirm that they are Cancer. At this time we are not sure of the game plan for that. They talked of waiting 3 months to see if more show up, to possibly removing them in time, to possibly doing chemo. But for now we focus on the fluid that is causing her pain.

I would say as I drove back home, exhausted, my phone going off with so many thoughtful angels out there leaving me messages…I found myself looking at the homes I would drive by and wonder what their stories were. What devastation do they have? As I look at Crystal sound a sleep, knowing how bad she just wanted to see “Storm” (Cat), she looked so little, so innocent, so peaceful. I see Gage in the review mirror. And think here he is, so young…Oh their journey. Love can conquer so many things and then I began to cry. I can’t see the road and then I think goodness, pull yourself together Tiffany. God gives us what we can handle, snap out of this sadness and think of what God has given you. I love music and can choreograph to anything when I drive, so turn up the music, and use the gift God gave you…so I did.

Good Night…

We are home…

Written on Thursday, September 10th @ 9:15pm

We arrived early this morning at Mayo. We drove through a storm on our way to Rochester and we also saw two rainbows, which we felt was for good luck. It made the drive to Rochester, MN a little different, which was nice.

Before her 1st appointment we had time to stop in the Mayo Gift Shop. We usually do that to kill sometime and see what is new. And today, Crystal found something she really liked. A Mayo Coat with a scarf. She smiled and said mom, “Isn’t this cute. I think I should get something from here, since I am here so much.” In my head I had to agree, so yep…she got it. And it felt good giving it to her. She was so thankful and all I kept thinking was I wish she didn’t have to go through this.

Well…Crystal, was a trooper today as usual. She calmly sat waiting for her name to be called back for the CT Procedure. When her name was called out, I immediately was frazzled. Gage stood right up and gave her a kiss, then I stood up gave her a quick kiss and then thought wait…I am not ready. Off she walked, I sat back down in this large waiting room and looked at Gage and said my heart is racing. He said, “She is going to be good. And she is going to feel better.” I smiled and thought, I am glad you are here.

Gage kept pretty busy. Next thing you know a few hours went by and we were getting to go see her.

As we walked back into the recovery room. There she was laying down in her bed, two empty chairs were sitting right there at her head waiting for us to sit in. She smiled at both of us as we entered her curtain area, which is exactly where she was when they did the biopsy to see if this tumor/lymph node was cancer. I won’t forget that day, because they came out to get me because she was crying so hard for her mom during the procedure. It broke my heart. But today…Today she looks confident.

The other cute thing is the Mayo/CT Area sees many new faces daily but they remembered her from the last time…They remembered all she wanted was Oreo cookies, her favorite. They were very curious why she was back….So sweet.

We learned from Crystal, that she cried a little when they were numbing her up. Crystal also told us that they asked her if she wanted medicine to help her relax, kind of knock her out. She then said…”Do I need it? Because I really just want to go home and if that makes me have to stay I don’t want it.” They informed her just the numbing medicine is needed…so that is all they did besides give her pain meds.

Crystal had to lay very still because again, they had to go through her back near her spine to get to the spot. We also learned that this fluid was the size of a tennis ball, it was not only near her pancreas and spine but next to her kidney as well. So that would explain the pain.

A funny thing…Crystal was laying in her bed as she told us what she had gone through. We listened so closely and then all of a sudden she sat straight up to show us where the needle went in through her back. Gage and I about lost it. We were like~ Oh my gosh lay back down…We were so shocked to see her just sit up. Then we all laughed. It was funny that we felt the same way but here she was still numb and could move pretty good.

We had to sit at least two hours before she could either go to the hotel or possible go home. Crystal watched tv and chatted a little bit.

The nurses were wonderful. They were gentle and kind. You could hear them talk to other patients so softly. They would try to comfort them as best as they could. Try to reassure them they were going to be fine.

It is kind of sad when you think about it. Such a hard job. A nurse sees all different types of personalities in her career and has to make the best out of each circumstance. A nurse sees someone so vulnerable and scared, they are the caretakers that can make a difference in that one’s life. Oh trust me, I have seen some pretty bad nurses…but isn’t that life? There is always bad in whatever you do, in every career. But looking for the positive, looking for the good and acknowledging it, is rewarding to all.

After our two hours…We were told Crystal could go home. YaY, not a hotel, her own little home where she can snuggle with “Storm”.

Thank you for all of the messages, positive vibes, prayers, and honestly for showing you care. Thank you.

A lot of you asked if Rod was there today. Rod had to work. Yes, he owns his company but with taking a few vacation days prior to this, it made it even more difficult than normal for him to get away. Her sisters want to be there too but with school back up and jobs to pay for schooling…they can’t get away either.

Which brings me to this point…Crystal is blessed to have a fiancee that knows how difficult it is for Crystal to work when she is this sick even when she hears her future statistics. But Gage is understanding, I am sure there will be struggles but as a couple we all know that is life. Crystal is also fortunate to do what she loves, what she is passionate about. I have been very blessed to be able to stay home with my daughters since birth. Now when my youngest graduated from high school I honestly thought my life would be different. Opening another studio in a new state but as you can see…God has chose another path for me…but my point is…

Think of the Cancer patients who don’t have that. Who struggle to work when they are doing chemo, paying bills, making dinner, grocery shopping, cleaning their home, raising a family or maybe wanting to not be single forever and trying to stay positive through the process. The medical bills, the hotel stays, the gas, the meals, the time off of work, the worry…And sometimes people can say things and don’t think of the whole picture, they think of what is in front of them. What they would do but honestly until they are in that situation they have no idea. They judge. They are human but we can learn from each other. Take a moment and think of the many people you may know that is touched by Cancer, again Crystal is not the first and she will not be the last but if she could open one person eyes to this journey of life and make a difference then that is the story I want for her.

At this time we do not know what the fluid is. Hopefully we will know soon and praying for no drainage tube. As for the two tumors in her liver, we have yet to learn what they will be wanting us to do with that as well. But we do know one thing…life goes on and you have to continue to live, dream and laugh.

We got some news…finally.

Written Wednesday, September 23rd @ 6:45pm

What a beautiful sunny day in Iowa. Crystal and I worked on her wedding itinerary, we actually got it all finished up. The next 10 months will be busy, exciting and something positive to think about.

Since this procedure has been done, Crystal has been doing wonderful. Her spirit has been lifted because finally she is beginning to feel like normal. Hmmmm like normal, what really does that mean? Well, she said she felt better seriously by the next day after removing that tennis ball of fluid. Thank goodness.

Now don’t think I wasn’t pressuring Crystal to call Mayo to find out what was taking so long. I would tell Crystal just ask this… I mean is the fluid bad? Am I doing Chemo? Do you want more tests? Do I need a drainage tube?

But bringing it up to Crystal can make Crystal grumpy. She makes it clear, when they know they will call. Like you say mom, “No news is good news”. And I am like, “Whatever”! As Crystal then says to me this last weekend, “You know mom, I kind of like not knowing what is going on, what is next. I don’t want the bad news.” Needless to say, I didn’t bring it up again.

Crystal has loved getting back into the studio, seeing the parents and students have also helped with her mind set. However, she is definitely ready for the Professional Team to get back into gear. Auditions are coming up next Wednesday! Crystal has been ready for that day.

A fun little fact…The Spirits maybe off to the Dick Clark’s NYE Bash again this year. We did it back in 2006/2007. And this year getting that opportunity again, has made Crystal not even care about what is next with her Cancer. Now I on the other hand, have put it on hold but I was told by Crystal today, “Book it…I am going no matter what, chemo or not. I may never get to do this again”.

So as I was sitting at my kitchen table late this afternoon working on schedules and paperwork, I sent a message out to my contact in Cali. It wasn’t even 30 minutes later and Dr. McWilliams, her oncology doctor at Mayo, called.

My heart was racing. Finally. Finally, we will learn the next step. Right? Or is this a sign that we don’t go to Cali. I mean I just messaged my contact to get things in order and now we are learning of this…What if? Oh what are they saying to her, what is Crystal thinking, what is going to happen….Yep, all of that was running through my mind.

And then my calm daughter finishes up her conversation and proceeds to fill me in on what is next….

Well, the fluid is not the pancreas leaking, it shows no sign of cancer either. It is just fluid from the procedure that was done. They were very happy about that.

Next, after McWilliams and her team of doctors spoke they felt that Crystal needed to be back on Chemo rather sooner than later. They see that the two months Crystal has been off of Chemo to prepare for this last procedure, it shows the growth of the two tumors in her liver just in that time. Honestly, that scares me but I guess it all does.

The fact that their really is not enough statistics on this type of Cancer to help the doctors with the next step, they asked for Crystal’s feedback. When Crystal told me that…I must admit I was nervous. I could just hear her saying, well I don’t think we should do chemo until we go back for scans…ugh BUT Crystal didn’t say that. She said, “I trust you, you are my doctor so I really don’t want to give you my feedback. You tell me what to do and if my gut doesn’t trust the answer, than I will say something.” As Crystal is telling me this, I could feel me smiling inside. She said, “Right mom? That is how we do everything”. She is right. God gives us this gift. This feeling. This gut feeling. This intuition. It is just sometimes we ignore, we don’t trust it, we challenge it. Oh how I love being her mom.

We knew Chemo was a possibility. And even tho I hate what Chemo does to her, emotionally and physically, what it does to her family that watch her go through it. I know it is a blessing because without it her life could be shorter.

Chemo will start in the next week.

The next set of scans will hopefully only show those two tumors in her liver and nothing new. Nothing outside of her liver. Oh please I beg, I plead let my daughter enjoy her new journey in 2016 with no cancer. Let her sisters be sisters with no worry. Let them focus on their lives, their futures. Please. Please.

We are not sure of the dates of those scans but they are also thinking December to see what the next step for Crystal is.

Thank you for your listening ear. Your prayers and positive words. Thank you for helping me through this journey. Helping me find what the positive part of all of this is, and I hope it has helped you with your life’s choices too.

Happy 1st Day of Fall…