October 2023

Guardian Angel up above, please protect the ones I love.

Written on October 30th, 2023 @ 6pm

Well Joey, it is that time. It is that time for Crystal to head back to Mayo. Oh I know you are with her, as she says she can feel it.

November 1st is almost here and we will be heading to Rochester. She will have her MRI that evening, with more appointments following the next day. And then, the big meeting with her team of doctors to learn if this treatment has been working.
As Crystal just recently said, “I am scared, and mom if it is not good news, I will need a few weeks to myself. I know Joey is watching over me but I think I will be mad and scared all at once if the news is not what I want to hear”.
As a mother it broke my heart to hear that, it actually made my heart race to even think of the treatment not working, and yet I sure understood everything she was saying.

How is Crystal? She looks great. She feels well too. She also continues to live life to the fullest. She takes things day by day. She is grateful that she has fought this cancer long enough to even have new treatments to try, but that doesn’t take away the anxiety, the fear, the worry. She is a fighter and somedays can even have survivors guilt.

Since closing our Spirit Doors in March, life sure has kept my family on its toes. The loss of my brother, Crystal’s uncle, has been extremely hard on our small family as we are close.
Over the years watching my daughter fight, I have learned so much about myself, about people, about God, about the power of prayer and how believing can give you peace.
The easiest way to find peace is do everything in life with love.
When I think of her battle, the fear, the worry, my mind protects my heart, it automatically thinks of something else. I can do that because my fighter is still here. She is still alive.
But when I think of my brother, our childhood, my grandmother and father who have passed, the hurt is overwhelming so much that when I go to think of something else the guilt sets in. It is like I am forgetting him, like I don’t want to think of him but yet I don’t want to forget him. I want to keep his energy alive but yet it hurts to think of him. Kind of a strange thought process, and writing it makes you cry and laugh at yourself. I am sure I am not alone.

You know I love photos, I think in a previous life I was a photographer. Hahaha
I think I love the moment when everyone is taking that photo, that smile, and in that split second everyone is together, but everyone’s memory of that day in that picture, will always be different. That is the beauty of it. And in the end that is all you have.
Family, friends, nothing is perfect but I sure like to surround myself with ones that build you up verses tearing you down.
As I would always say to my dance team, you will never be this young again, this size, and this moment will never happen again….Embrace it because it truly is a gift.

Thank you from our family to yours. Rod, Crystal, Gage, Courtney, Alec, Cassidy, James, Hazel, Baby Girl coming in February and Me💜

Happy Halloween to you all. Love and kindness is a beautiful thing to pass out that night. I thank you all for your prayers these last 10 years for my family. I feel very lucky that God guided me to write my beautiful daughter’s journey as she sure received many prayer warriors because of it.