November 2019

Coming home…

Written Saturday, November 23rd @ 2:20pm

A thankful Thanksgiving next week! Now let’s hit the road and get home!

I can’t say enough about the power of prayers, the power of believing and the strength it takes to trust the path.

 

 

Today is a new day….

Written Saturday, November 23rd @ 6:55am

Good morning. Today is a new day. I am happy to report that they removed 4 tumors from Crystals liver.

Early yesterday morning it was dark, chilly and peaceful as we walked across the street to the St. Mary’s Hospital from our hotel. It was crazy how quiet it was and yet busy. And at that time of morning so many people are coming into work to start their day of helping others. We arrived at 6:25am. I was happy to know that the doctor doing her ablation was the one who has worked on her before. I must say it gives comfort.

The procedure should take about 2 hours. We thought there was 2 possible 3 tumors. We learned there was now 3 possible 4 tumors. And our talented doctor was going for all of them, if he could.

As they prepped Crystal for surgery, we had a little issue with the IV, she seemed a little dehydrated so it was difficult to put it in. Not a great start but everyone was confident they will take care of that in the operating room. Hugs, kisses and she is off down the hallway to begin.

Gage, Rod and I go get a little breakfast. Every time there is an update done on Crystal, which is in the form of a text sent to Gage, he immediately let’s us know, such a good man. I am so proud to say he is our son in law.

4 hours later she is finally out of surgery. The doctor comes and chats with us. He explains that he did get the 4 tumors and that she will be in pain. We are happy with the news. We are relived it’s over. Our doctor is kind, a determined doctor and truly cares for my daughter. You can feel it. I quickly and quietly thank God.

We are excited to see her but she is still in recovery. We see that she will be sharing a room, so for now we find a waiting room, the size of a closet, with three chairs and a tv. As we watch tv, it seems like it’s taking forever so I go check to see maybe how much longer. And then I spot them taking her into her room. I walk a little faster to tell her we are here and I will get the boys. And that’s when she looks at me and I know it’s not good. I don’t move. I stare, I watch the two nurses help her, I take a deep breath and ask God for strength and guidance.

As they are switching her from bed to bed, I can see her face, glistening, her eyes are fixed on me and she has no strength. I also notice this shared room seems small and whomever is on the other side has no respect.

As the nurse gets her situated and begins to ask her questions, Crystals wants my hand. That small little hand with an IV in it. She whispers, “Mom, I’m nauseous, I don’t feel right, they’ve already changed my clothes because I’m sweating so bad”. I can see sweat on her forehead and they are questioning a fever. She is dry, she is struggling to talk, she needs water. Her ears are always sensitive after surgery, and the nurse is trying to ask questions but the people on the other side are talking loud, the tv is loud, the banging around is loud, eating food that they brought in brings a smell that this hot room didn’t need from just getting out of surgery. As a mom, you are being polite, asking for a fan, a washcloth you can wet for her forehead and a private room, like now! I knew Crystal was not doing well, when she just wanted mom. No one else just mom. As beautiful as it is to hear her say that, it breaks your heart terribly. And then you see the tears she says, “Mom, I’m done doing this. I don’t want to do this anymore. I just can’t do it”. I immediately told her, “I don’t understand Gods path for you honey and I’m sorry. And you don’t have to do this again because right now they got the 4 tumors so let’s not put anything negative out there let’s just focus on right now”. And that quiet little voice says, “okay”. It was so hard not to cry, it was so hard not to be angry.

I went and told the boys what was going on and Gage began the process of needing this private room. I went back to my very ill daughter. I tried my best to hold her hand and ask for prayers to the people that were texting. The doctor on the floor stayed with her, along with the nurse and myself as we tried to get her comfortable. It is hard to ask question and hear her response with the commotion going on from her roommate. I explain again that her husband will be staying with her tonight and I know that you can’t do that in a shared room so how is finding her a room coming? I could tell her nurse wanted her out if that room too but it was out of her hands.

As time passed, Crystal asked me to take a pic and send it to her sisters. To get Gage and her dad. Which I was ready to do so I could call my mom.

Trust me, I understand that we all can’t have private rooms. I understand that manners and respect are different for everyone that’s what makes the world go round. Trust me I asked God to help me forgive the thoughts that were going through my head on her roommate. To help me be more compassionate. And in about 5 hours we were blessed with a private room and my daughter finally could rest, in quiet.

Arriving in this private room, Crystal still was not doing good but you could also feel the relief from all of us including our fighter.

Finally by 6:45pm, Crystal was getting the pain under control, she asked about her sisters. She asked for her phone so we went to eat dinner and told her we would be back.

Dinner was good but coming back to the hospital and seeing my daughter looking rested was even better. And that is when I learned that when I went to get the boys, she stated to the nurse. I will not stay here tonight, I’m going back to my hotel if I can’t get a private room. Hearing her tell us that story made me smile, I thought, I have raised a strong fighter.

I hope when I get to the hospital this morning I see a rested Gage and a fighter ready to go home sometime today.

Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Day and Appointments at Mayo

Written on Thursday, November 21st @ 8:30am

It is a rainy morning here in Iowa. I am sitting in my kitchen, no lights on, drinking some cold water but wanting Starbucks. Looking out the sliding glass door, I can see the trees blowing, pine needles are falling from our trees and I’m thinking, it seems so dark out. Well ironically today is Pancreatic Cancer Awareness Day, so it is a perfect day for you to wear purple. And Crystal and Gage have already left this morning for Rochester, MN. That is right, they have left and tomorrow is her surgery. Time just flew by since October 9th. I can’t believe it is already here.

Today, Crystal will be getting all of her tests done before her early surgery tomorrow. Rod and I will be heading up later today. With that being said, we would love those prayers to begin. I know we got the news to have this procedure done and it was a miracle but now I just hope that they can get all the tumors in her liver, that she can recover well, that we get home safely and that we can enjoy Thanksgiving next week with our family. Goodness writing all of that out I feel so demanding. I want, I want, I want… Let me just say, we are thankful for all of you, we are thankful for our miracle to get these out of her liver and I am doing my best to trust his path.

Some people have said, “I am so happy for your news, once they get these tumors, she will finally be cancer free”. Well, that is not true, she does have her tumors in her lungs, they just have not changed. Once I explain that to them they say, “I am sorry, you just seem so happy with the results from the last appointment. I assumed they were getting them all”. Cancer is a tricky thing. That is why when people are fighting it, they say it is a courageous battle.

“Courage doesn’t mean you don’t get afraid. Courage means you don’t let fear stop you” ~Bethany Hamilton

I have to admit at the last appointment, that early morning in the hotel room before we were to go to the appointment to get our news, I was brushing my teeth. I was looking in the mirror. I was thinking I don’t even know how much more I could pray, I had nothing left to say. I felt like a broken record. I felt anxiety because I prayed so confidently for this miracle that hadn’t even happened yet. I was afraid of not hearing what I believed I was going to hear. Like did I just set myself up for devastation? And then does that mean there is no God? It was a weird feeling, it made me nervous and then you know what. They told us our great news, yes we were happy but I could tell deep down I was in shock! I was like God you really heard me? Like there really is a God? Like did that just happen? I mean those prayers, they worked? It was the craziest feeling and just like that, we got our wonderful news and everyday life began again. Everyday hustle and bustle.

Life is a journey.

On another note we have been very busy. Very busy but in a positive way. Crystal’s sister Courtney is engaged and will be getting married in May of 2020. So lots of wedding planning going on which means lots of special moments coming up.

And then remember this journey of another Spirit Show in 2020. Crystal, had stated that her cancer was going no where and that she needed to dance. That she wanted to do another Spirit Show. She said, “Please Mom”. I guess that is what a mother will do, it’s a mother’s love. I must admit I wasn’t sure where I was going to get the strength or even find the passion again but for her, for my daughters, I will try anything. Well, God knows what he is doing because I am more inspired today than I ever thought. Crystal’s journey has brought new life not just to me but to 23 dancers in that room. And after dance last night, Crystal and I drove home together as we both said how blessed we felt, that God was with us, that everything seemed so good right now at this moment. Even though deep down Crystal is scared, Crystal wants it just to be over. But instead of talking about how scared she is or how worried I am, we changed the topic too…We sold 202 tickets in four hours last night to our 2020 Spirit Show. Which is shocking!!!! Seriously, we surprised ourselves. On that note, if you are interested in this Spirit Show, please message us, we will give you details. 

Again, Thank You for your love, support, prayers and positive feedback. I will stay in touch…