May 2020

Waiting for the phone to ring…

Written on Tuesday, May 26th, 2020 @ 8:00pm

Crystal and Gage were on the road at 3am today. So they definitely have had a long day. Her first test started at 7:00am. Her last appointment for the day, with her news, would be at 3:45pm.

Crystal and Gage said there was no traffic on the way there, so that was nice. They also were happy that Gage and her both got into the Mayo building with no troubles, since they are now asking questions and taking temperatures because of the virus. She also said there was a lot of construction going on, I guess new things are happening at Mayo since the last time we were there.

Crystal said once she got there, started the process of her testing, she didn’t feel as anxious. Funny how her saying that to me, gave me peace.

But at 3:45pm my stomach began to turn. I felt anxious, I starred at the clock knowing pretty much what they were doing and feeling at the moment. Rod and I were quiet, we talked about what could be taking so long, what we each thought might be the news and as we waited, I began to feel more ill. Cassidy was texting wondering why she hasn’t heard anything, as Courtney was on her way home from work wondering what was going on.

I received my phone call from Crystal at 5:15pm. I could hear her crying, I could tell she had been crying and I immediately grabbed Rod and put the phone on speaker. As Crystal begins with, “It’s not the news I wanted to hear”.

In six month the tumors in her lungs have grown, they need to get them out so they can continue to be ahead of the cancer. There is one in each lung. So two procedures a few weeks apart. There is also a small tumor back in her liver, so they might be doing that as well when they do one of her lungs.

No the lung surgery doesn’t sound fun for her, it is like suffocating but they at least feel they can get them. The tumors are not some place they can’t get too. And they would rather do surgery than put her back on chemo. It is the best thing to do at this time.

Crystal took this rather hard, even the doctor asked what was so upsetting this time because he could feel her emotions all over, as she says, I think it is just everything going on in the world on top of this. And as her mother, I would say it is because the last 10 weeks she hasn’t even hugged us or seen her sisters like normal. That sure can be heartbreaking when that means so much to you.

So I FaceTimed her sisters, Courtney stayed positive, found the good in the news, as she knows it could be worse and Cassidy took it hard. I then FaceTimed my mother, uncle Bret & aunt Michele and then Rod and I took a deep breath.

Early in the day, a friend of mine has a daughter who is fighting her own battle, I sent her a quick text and it stated “God is watching over you, I know because I asked him to”. The crazy thing is when she responded, she explained that when I had sent that text the priest was actually in there room praying with them and that they just prayed for Crystal and our family. I got goosebumps all over when I read that response. How could you not believe?

And then I receive this news tonight, I am not sure how to respond to all of the messages we are getting, let alone how to take it in myself and then that same friend out of the blue reaches out to me. I tell her our news and she responds with a beautiful text with this added: 

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

Yes, I cried. And it was just what I needed. I am ready to fight. I am ready for our next step. Thank You God, I know it can be so much worse, I know I will find the good and for the moment thank you for the words from my friend.

7 more days…

Written on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020 @ 2:15pm

There is no sun today and a chill in the air here in Iowa. It is a perfect day to do some work on the computer, actually it is something I have been doing all weekend. This morning as I sat at my desk, wrapped in a blanket, I chatted with Crystal on speaker phone as we continued to work together updating the Spirits Website, something we are horrible at! With positive ideas, new thoughts we try to plan for future things without worry, we smile and laugh, it makes for a fun morning. I then decided it was time for a little break from Spirits, as Crystal gets on the treadmill and I do an update for you all on our Fighter.

Next week at this time (Tuesday, May 26th) Crystal will be at her Mayo appointment. The doctors wanted this appointment to be in January but Crystal didn’t want to hear any negative news, if there was some, until after the Spirit Show. With that being said, it was scheduled for March, then the “virus” hit. Now, we are down to 7 days of learning what her next step will be.

Crystal and Gage will travel early Tuesday morning to Mayo. It will be dark when they leave so prayers for safe travels for them would be wonderful. Crystal can bring only one person to the appointment and preferably a person in her household. There are questions and tests that Crystal and Gage will do before they can enter the building. This will of course be all new to them and to others that go every other month or more in the past at Mayo. As a mother, my heart will be racing to hear this news over the phone, it gives me anxiety thinking about it, I hate Cancer, I hate the Coronavirus. Yet I am reminded how blessed we are that she has a husband who cares, who has taken it seriously and will be ready to find the positives in this visit. Not including that wonderful fighter that always, listens to her body, follows her passion and reads her devotionals which gives her strength and in return inspires us all.

As some of you have asked, is Crystal being safe? Has she quarantined? Does Gage have to go into work? Do you see her? 

Well, this Saturday we will be able to say, that Crystal and Gage have responsibly been at home together with absolutely no others for 10 weeks. They have not even ordered curbside/takeout. The groceries that are delivered to their home (unless they are to be cold/frozen), plus any gifts they have received or mail/packages has sat in a garage for a few days before coming into their place. Gage is very fortunate that he can work from home, actually it is a blessing, because that will be very important for this next visit to Mayo.

Now granted, Crystal and Gage have gone on bike rides, walks and visited a park a few times. When we have seen Crystal and Gage it has been outside, and we have kept our distance. And with technology of today you get to FaceTime, so you can say we are making the best of the situation. I hope you are too.

Since March 27th, there has been birthday celebrations, Easter, Mother’s Day and we can’t forget the big events that were suppose to happen; the Wedding Shower, Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties and the Big Wedding Day, so we’ve made sure that we made those days still special, all with being outside, keeping distance, taking turns, wearing a mask and being considerate to the situation and the feelings of others.

On May 11th, Crystal’s actual birthday, the Big 28! She did come over, sit in our Garage/Rod’s Bar, she ate Chick-fil-A, opened her gifts and watched the Spirit Show 2020 with her Grandma, Courtney, Cassidy and even Dad got home just in time to visit. The laughs, the “new” normal, the family together time was just what she needed. It lifts your soul, it gives you strength. Did she wear a mask? Yes, did she wash her hands? Every second.

Now, how is she doing? I think she looks great, is she worried? Sure, we all are and if you keep thinking about it, about the what ifs, it can make you sick. Last year her cancer was aggressive and hard to get ahead of it. However another way to look at it, her body at this time has had a break from chemo, a break from surgeries and she performed in a positive uplifting Spirit Show that helped her mentally and physically.

But now like you we add, the worry of the world, the virus and trying our best to have faith. The change of our economy, the scare of the unknown, the fear of it never being the same. Your plans have changed abruptly, you have no control of your next step but WE DO have control of our behavior. And WE CAN be kind. Worry about you and if you have nothing kind to say, you can be quiet. You can keep your opinions to yourself. It’s okay. Just think if we all tried that.

Here is a beautiful thing I found on FaceBook

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT …

I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it’s not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.

For some that live alone they’re facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.

With the $600 weekly increase in unemployment some are bringing in more money to their households than they were working. Others are working more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 just received $3400 from the stimulus while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don’t qualify for unemployment and are running out of money. Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don’t believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

Realize that and be kind.

Unknown author