June 2019

Almost three months later.

Written on Wednesday, June 19th at 9:00pm

It is a damp, cloudy night as I sit on my couch with the sliding class door open. I can hear the birds chirping and “Christopurr” is enjoying staring out the screen door wishing he could catch a bird or at least play with one. With a blanket and my laptop I begin to think about what we have done the last few months. I told myself I was going to wait with an update until we were closer to her next appointment. I almost caved in though last month when things were getting bumpy on chemo. However, her prayers were quickly answered and things turned around for her.

Tiffany Wrote on FB May 13th:

Prayers for this angel, please.

I hope you all had a beautiful Mother’s Day. Crystal just celebrated her 27th birthday on Saturday, such a blessing.

I’m reaching out today for some prayers for this warrior. She is struggling with this 4th round of chemo. And she comes over this afternoon for some mom comfort and sunshine with a possible walk…she says “Mom, I think I need some prayers”. We have a doctors appointment scheduled for tomorrow. She is suppose to be done with this round Wednesday.

She is determined to dance this evening…Such a fighter.

Tiffany Wrote on FB May 13th in the Evening:

Thank you for the prayers, the positive vibes. Crystal Marie Barnett came to dance. She has a blue Spirit Shirt on, it lights up her eyes. I ask her, “How are we feeling?” Crystal’s response, “Well I would say the prayers are working. I am not a 100% but I feel better and I feel I can keep going”. This morning that was not the case.

I know her chemo round is not done until Wednesday night. We meet with her doctors tomorrow afternoon and we will be able to check her blood work to make sure she is doing well in that area.

As for now, she is dancing.

Crystal Wrote on FB May 14th:

Thank you everyone for all the prayers yesterday!  It was a tough one… I haven’t been that sick in a long time. The prayers must have worked because today I am feeling much better. Thank you!  Also I had a wonderful birthday on Saturday. Thank you for everyone that reached out!

Well, Crystal has now done 5 rounds of chemo this year. Crystal looks great. However, I am sure you can imagine the feeling you get when you don’t feel well. She does go through that every month, somedays it is very hard to put a smile on and go forward. On those days she rests a little more. Last week was very difficult for her to walk. Her type of chemo can be pretty hard on her hands and feet. Again, on those days she tries hard to stay positive and she does her best to take it easy.

Again, Crystal does the same form of chemo she has always done. It is a pill form, she is lucky to be able to take it at home, it is 14 days on and 14 days off. It usually takes about 3 to 4 days after chemo before she begins to feel normal.

It is funny how many people that do follow her story and are shocked she is doing chemo. As they usually say, “I thought you got good news”, “I thought you guys were happy with the results and things are good”, “I didn’t realize she still has cancer?” I always feel so bad when you see their face, their embarrassment of not understanding. But honestly, I don’t know if you could understand it until you live it. Until you breathe it. Until you live every three months waiting for news that will could change your life. I mean somedays I don’t even get it. As a mother, somedays I am so tired and I eat everything in site. I can’t imagine what goes through Crystals mind and heart. We all handle it differently but together we are so much stronger. Together when one is weak, unsure, scared the other is ready to fight. I love that, I think that is what keeps us going.

Lately I have listen to a few stories of others fighting cancer or other medical issues including losing loved ones unexpectedly. It is heartbreaking, I am blessed that you reach out to me but I really don’t even know what to say. I hope you can feel me listening though. I think sharing your story is a start. I always say, if you share your story, you own your story. It is easier to embrace the journey you are on. I learned that from Oprah at a very young age. Trust your gut. Listen to your inner voice. Get those second opinions if you are not happy. And the most important thing, do something you love, Live Life.

We have gotten so many messages over the years on trying this, smoking this, eating this, drinking this, reading this…And of course, all of it cures cancer. So trust me, you read it all, you actually get anxiety of thinking maybe I am doing it wrong, maybe we should be doing more. Why are the doctors not talking about this. Is it a government thing that they are keeping from us and then you feel depressed. It really makes you sad. But see long ago, I began to let that young 21 year old begin reading with me through all of the literature that others gave us. I let Crystal make the choices for her body, I taught her to listen to her gut, I explained to her, that is her power. And then as a mother I would not have guilt of not making her try everything that was being given to me, it took the pressure off of me. I am thankful that my daughter was old enough, I can’t imagine her being so young that the pressure would be completely on mom and dad. And as time went by I learned, we learned, that she has already beaten the odds and maybe, just maybe it is because she is doing exactly what she should be doing. She has stayed true to who she is, she continues to do what she loves and what she is passionate about. She continues to pray and listen to others. And we thank God everyday for what we have. As I said to Crystal that morning after watching Good Morning America, listening to Alex Trebek with Jeopardy, his interview was beautiful and reminded me of you Crystal. He is living life like you. And if he could bottle that up, maybe he would say, try Jeopardy…Like you could say, try Dance…What it boils down to is that you both are doing what you love. Maybe that is the key and with that key you inspire others.

Since April we have celebrated Courtney’s Birthday, Easter, Gage’s Birthday, a concert in Des Moines (CardiB which was horrible) but we made memories so I guess a win, the Tulip Festival in Pella which was crazy busy on that beautiful day, Crystal’s Birthday, Mother’s Day and…. Crystal, Gage, Rod and I went to Seattle. Why did we go to Seattle? To watch Crystal and Gage leave for an Alaskan Cruise. A very thoughtful gift that they received. Memories that they will cherish. And when that week was over, listening to their stories was like when the girls were little getting off that bus and hearing it all. Something I dearly enjoyed.

And we hope everyone had a nice Father’s Day. Rod enjoyed his day. He got to enjoy it with his family of women. Lucky him. And now we get ready to celebrate the 4th of July hopefully with good news as well.

So with all of that you realize that life goes on, time just keeps moving, and Crystal says, “Mom, my cancer is not going anywhere, I need to do another Spirit Show! It helps keep me positive.” Here we go, God please guide us, the planning begins! The Spirit Show coming in February 2020! Cancer please stay at bay.

Crystal’s next appointment is July 2nd. I sure would love to see another miracle but if that is greedy, then could we please have no growth, no multiplying of the tumors and no spreading to other organs. Please. Amen.

As for our family, Courtney is very busy with her new home with Alec and she enjoys her job. She is still passionate about working out and loves her sisters so very much. Cassidy is also a very dedicated employee and loves her job, she at the moment has her summer off because of working in the school system but she is working lots of side jobs which keeps her busy. Cassidy would also do anything for her family. Actually she would help anyone, sometimes to a fault. The one thing I have learned is you can raise your children the same, love them the same, sacrifice everything for them and preach to them about life daily. You can have your expectations, you can dream what you want for them but ultimately it is their life. Someday God will want them back. You were lucky to raise them, to have them be a part of your journey but you as parent will also have to learn that your child/children, will all learn different, they will all make their own choices, their own mistakes and you have to love them through it even if we have to sit back and watch…Again, Life is a Journey. Always look for the good, it can always be worse.