Exhausted…
Written Tuesday, December 20th @ 11pm
A long couple of days, and then a long drive home. As I drove, I watched her sleep for a bit, I just kept thinking why? Why her? Why us? And as she woke up, she stared out the window, she was quiet. I could tell her mind was racing, she was tired and yet scared. And then the half smile as she looks over at me. I can see in her eyes she is saying, mom everything is going to be okay. Right?
Before this appointment Crystal and I practiced different scenarios depending on what they would tell her. We were ready and then she says, “Mom I mean I have cancer, that is not the surprise. I have it, it is staying ahead of it. I am scared on how they are going to do that”.
What did we learn?
Well her new treatment doesn’t seem to be working, and of course it is causing a little grief with her heart, so we will be stopping that.
Next, we learned that the four tumors in her lungs, and the three tumors in her liver, have grown.
Third, we have a new tumor by her kidney.
In January we will be trying a new treatment. Crystal is lucky to have fought this cancer for almost 10 years and will get to try LUTATHERA, it is a radioactive targeted therapy. We will learn more about that in the coming weeks.
As for now, I am thankful for my time with Crystal and Gage the last few days. Gage is uplifting and positive, we always seem to have laugh here and there when we are together. I am looking forward to the holidays with my family, as you never know what tomorrow will bring.
I need to rest, so I am positive because right now I am emotional but that might be because our furnace broke and I am freezing. Merry Christmas to me as I am getting a furnace for Christmas.
Thank you for your kindness, remember to embrace this holiday as it could always be your last. Merry Christmas.
Hoping for a Christmas Miracle
Written on Saturday, December 17th @ 10:30pm
Late on a cold Saturday night in Iowa, I am wrapped in an electric blanket and feeling anxious about this trip to Mayo. Yes, it is that time again. Yes, we sure would take those prayers. Those positive vibes you have been giving our family for almost 10 years. Kind of crazy to think it has been that long.
Monday, Crystal will be doing a scan that she did years ago and swore she would never do it again. Well here she is, doing it again. The DOTATE PET/CT scan. One thing Crystal has said is, “at least I know what it will be like”.
We know this new treatment does cause Crystal to have some heart issues. Only 3% would have this be an issue, and yes our fighter is one of them. Crystal has even joked I think I have seen the cardiologist more than my oncologist. Crystal’s heart is strong and when she is dancing, it keeps her heart rate up, that is a good thing. It is when she is resting that seems to be the issue. This new treatment is an extremely painful injection once a month, it has not caused her any complications other than her heart. She has been doing this new treatment for 6 months, and now for the big scan to see if it is working.
How is Crystal? She looks great, she is positive, and takes one day at a time. But she will admit she is very nervous about this trip as well. She is so nervous she is doing everything she can to stay busy. Her worry is the process of this DOTATE PET/CT scan, on top of learning if her cancer has grown or spread. I don’t know how she does it. She is a courageous fighter. I admire her strength. Her story, her journey has helped me in mine. Funny how that works.
On Tuesday afternoon we will learn of Crystal’s next steps and as much as I do believe that God is good, that he gives us what we can handle, I must say it is hard to think about it without shedding a tear.
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