August 2016

Is it to good to be true…

Written on Thursday, August 18th @ 12:00pm

Our Family….

It has been a month for the Mr. & Mrs., can you believe it? As they get settled, write their Thank You’s life seems perfect.

This week has been a great week for Crystal. We just got done performing at the Iowa State Fair, the Spirits are getting ready for the their next Season and her attitude is in a good place compared to last week. Last week was a different story.

Last Monday, Crystal had opened up to me about how worried she was that the cancer was back. How scared she was about the next set of scans. She explained that she told Gage how she was feeling and that he was trying to motivate her.

It was sad to hear her say all of that but I also could relate. I myself was worrying about everything being good this summer, the wedding going smooth and dreaming of a bright new journey for all of us, that I questioned what was going to go wrong. It really can keep you up at night.

Then a family we knew had lost a loved one. It was important that we went to the wake, for this family has sent many cards to Crystal and I wanted this family to know that it was our turn to send the prayers.

After giving some hugs to the family, we headed quietly to our car, what I didn’t expect was the Crystal breaking down. She said, “Mom, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die. I want to live. I am scared to die. I am happy right now. What if this Cancer is back? I am not suppose to be here.”

I was shocked, it made me tear up hearing her talk like that. That is one thing we have never really said out loud…I don’t want to die. But I gained that quiet strength and held her hand. Oh Crystal, I don’t want you to die either. But honey, you of all people know that we don’t know our journey. Look where we just were, he was healthy…it is a reminder to live life. It is a reminder to inspire others. It is a reminder to be kind. It is a reminder that we all have a story.

The wedding is done and prior to that when your mind would begin to wonder about your cancer you would get to think about the wedding, now you have to train your mind to think about the present. I am scared too but watching you at this moment I am not going to give cancer the satisfaction this next month.

Crystal this might be a good time to write an update. They would love to hear from you and I promise you will feel better.

So here is a little update from your hero. But keep in mind, she wrote it last week but didn’t want me to post it until she reread it after the worry and anger were gone. Yes, she did change a little of it because she said, “I don’t want people to see me like that”. What is funny, I am the same way….

I have been Mrs. Barnett for a little over a month now! 🙂 And what a wonderful wedding Gage and I had. It was literally one of the best days of my life. Everything turned out perfect and I got to marry my best friend. A lot of you ask me what is our relationship like?? Well we do everything together…. like I said he is my best friend. He understands me and we get along. Of course we have our fights…we are not perfect! Just a couple of months ago we bought a new home, so lately we have been decorating that and making it our ideal picture perfect home we have always dreamed of. We do have a cat that is a little over a year named Storm….she is my life!

Another questions I get asked is what is Gage like? Well… Gage is very good at getting me through those rough days. He is the sweetest, most kind person I have ever met. He has goals in life…which is very important ladies!!!! And he is adorable and thoughtful 🙂 If I had to pick one word that would best describe him it would be the simple word…kind! He is a great listener and always has the best advice ever. I can’t think of any other guy that would be as patient with this crazy journey we are living. Our life is completely different then any others. Now that we are married we have those talks about the future like…what if it is back….then what. Or financially getting ready to take over the medical bills that right now my parents take care of. And all of this can cause stress which can make you very tired and emotional. Thank God we have each other!

When you have cancer you go through crazy up and down emotions. Some days are amazing and you don’t even think about the cancer and other days you just can’t seem to get it out of your head. It is hard to get out of bed and put a smile on your face.…

Death is always a touchy subject with me. Since I do have cancer I do think about death….how could I not. In my situation it is normal. I am a very positive person and just because I think about death doesn’t make me less positive or less strong…it’s life and it’s good to be open about it. So please don’t be that annoying person that says don’t think like that. Gage and I have had that talk… obviously it is a hard talk but it’s always good for a cancer patient to get things off their chest.

My next scans are in September! Pray for the best!
Thanks for reading!

-Crystal Marie

By the way her next scans are September 22nd & 23rd.