March 2020

Happy “New” Birthday Crystal!

Written on Friday, March 27th @ 9:45am

Last night in our family group text, Crystals sends us a message. She had forwarded a post she saw in the media, it states;

Everyone who “needs” a ventilator will not get one. When there are two patients and one ventilator, the one with the greatest survival chance should get the ventilator first.

Crystal then says, “A lot of hospitals are running out of ventilators. They are turning down older people and people with terminal illnesses. Grandma don’t leave the house!! Same with me!”

I had heard it before, it’s all over the media but to read it from my daughter, broke my heart. Yes, a fear for all of us but another added stress for her.

I will never forget the news we received around this time, 7 years ago today. It was shocking, scary and life changing. The fear of the unknown. And my goodness Crystal you sure have been a fighter, an inspiration and a courageous warrior through it all.

I’ve learned so much about myself, family and friends during this battle of yours. I found that talking to God daily gives me peace. I have learned that sharing your story not only helps me but helps others. I have learned that hope is a beautiful word and that God filled me with it.

And here we are today, we have not seen you in two weeks. I miss you, I miss our complete family gatherings. Yet, I’m so thankful you have a husband that takes it serious. That you have a family that wants to protect you. And to top it off I’m so very very glad that we are not hearing that news today. I couldn’t imagine being a mom, hearing that news for the first time, the fears, the worry and trying to do the right thing, and yet knowing our world is going through a difficult scary time would be just added stress. And to think, you know someone out there is going through today. Makes me sad even thinking about it.

So Crystal here is a little birthday gift I left on your front step, just a little reminder of your “New” Birthday.

As for the next appointment at Mayo (May 26th), I’ve already thanked God for that wonderful news we’re going to hear on that day. And for now, we are going to shut off the news, embrace the present and trust the path. There will be good after the heartache.

Trust me one day at a time.

Written on Thursday, March 19th, 2020 @ 12:45pm

A gloomy morning here in Iowa, a morning that makes you not want to get out of bed but you know you need to. I get up and make my bed, feed Christopurr which makes me smile. I open the blinds in the house so you feel like starting your day and begin to make some coffee as I hear the rain outside. I decided to open the sliding glass door so I can hear the rain more intensely, it’s chilly and damp but yet Christopurr was loving listening to the activity outside so I left it open.

As I think of my day, I think of my daughters…I think I need to update Crystal’s Story but you all know that the world is in a strange place right now and I am not sure I can find anything to write about without being sad. So, I begin my devotionals, as I do in the morning, and I read… “Trust me one day at a time”. I read that like three times and I just thought about those 7 words.

As my feet began to get cold, my attention went to the outdoors and maybe closing that sliding glass door. But then I could hear that the rain had stopped. Then all of a sudden I could hear a duck quacking in my backyard, as I got up to look, it made me smile, I even thought of my dad for that moment. When I was growing up he would always, always say on rainy days, this is great weather if you are a duck, funny what memories you have. Then the birds began to sing. They were so talkative, I wonder what it means. They must be happy. I thought this is so beautiful. It made me think of my mom, who just yesterday said to me looking out her window at all the birds and squirrels in her backyard, they have no idea what our world is going through, they are just living life like normal. When I got off the phone with my mom yesterday, I thought to myself, when Crystal was first diagnosed how I could barely breathe trying to figure everything out but everyone around me seem to keep living, celebrating and enjoying life. It made me sad.

But today is a new day, and what just happened with that sliding glass door, no sun, damp and chilly. I could hear the beauty that God wanted me to hear, to recognize it, to remind all of Crystal’s Prayer Warriors that might be having a hard day. So that is what made me write to you on this Thursday.

2020 started out beautiful, so many blessings. I turned 50 in February and most of you know we put on a huge Spirit Show, celebrating my birthday but honestly is was all for Crystal who a year ago was begging to dance just one more time.

You know that birthday week was so amazing and touching, that I even thought to myself what is gonna happen? Like things are too good. I mean am I lucky enough to have, to feel this much love? And as a mom, it is so so so precious watching your children be more excited than you to surprise you with heartfelt gifts and celebrate you. I mean I am lucky to be here, in this world, at the age of 50, let alone dancing on stage with my daughters and dearest friends. And now today, never in my dreams did I think the World would be going through this, two weeks after my birthday. Just another reminder that we never know what is going to happen.

Yes, we have heard from you, your messages, texts and emails. Thank you. So after having the time of our lives we now are back to reality.

Crystal and I have shed many many tears since the Spirit Show has come to an end. We are not sure of our next step and we both have agreed that we are putting that in Gods hands. However, the feedback has been absolutely wonderful and inspiring to us that it has tempted us to do another show but again time will tell and for now, we need to wipe our happy tears, look for the good in what we have and put the rest in Gods hands.

With that being said, Crystal has been home since Saturday afternoon. Crystal and Gage have each other, have a plan and as a mother, I am so happy she met a man like that. There has been tears with this as well, tears of worry, tears of the fear of the unknown. Which brings us back to “Trust me one day at a time”, doing that doesn’t change the circumstances it changes how you look at it, it changes you.

Crystal has talked with her husband, her family, her doctors about her upcoming appointment at Mayo next week.  There has been a change in her Mayo Appointment, it has been pushed back to Tuesday, May 26th. Crystal feels very confident with this choice. Before you ask me privately how I feel about this. I am not sure what you want me to say. Yes, it makes me fearful, her team of doctors wanted to see her before the Spirit Show but she didn’t want to hear anything negative until after the Show. Yes, she looks great and feels great too but of course your mind wonders, makes you question things and worry can set in. Somedays it’s hard to control all of that. But with this virus, going to a hospital can also make you worry. “Trust me one day at a time”.

Thank you again for following her story. For loving our family. For sending prayers and positive thoughts to us.

As for her sister Courtney, our middle daughter who is getting married on May 9th. I feel for her. Her job of course is closing, no money and a wedding. A wedding that a date could change last minute. Showers, parties, all changing dates last minute because of our worlds circumstances. But as I say to my beautiful daughter, it will pass, there will be good in it even if you have to look harder for the good. It will make for an interesting memory. The most important part is you found the right person for you. You found each other and some people never find that. It reminds me of Crystal’s wedding when the roof collapsed and she had over 500 people attending the wedding, Crystal was so heartbroken, worried what to do and how to fix it, my dad can fix anything she would say. When Crystal tells the story today, she says she was so afraid to tell me what had happened to the church and the change that would have to be made the week of the wedding because then I would worry. The funny thing is Crystal says, when I called my mom she was so calm. She said it would be okay. Crystal still can’t believe how I handled it but honestly I think it was God because I remember the call, I remember being at peace, I knew it would workout and I don’t even know why.

Rod is still working, which is a blessing and Cassidy is not working however she will still get paid by her employer at the school which is a complete blessing at this time as well.

Prayers to the medical field. That they can care for all of us and themselves. Prayers to our service men and women, who give us freedom, who fight for us and can’t be with family. Prayers for my dear friends who have small businesses and are having to close their doors. Prayers to the people that have lost their jobs. ((hugs)) to the seniors in school, the athletes that just want one more game. All of our lives are changing, they will never be the same after this and if you find yourself being depressed, shut off the television, don’t listen to the news, get off social media and find yourself. When 911 happened I remember being so worried and fearful for raising these three daughters in this world. After three weeks of watching the television every minute of the day, my mother said shut if off. Funny, it helped, it didn’t change what happened, it changed my attitude.