January 2017

A month into 2017…

Written on Tuesday, January 31st @ 8:25am

I am sitting on my couch, Calvin at my side and annoyed that their is a laptop on my lap and not him. My coffee is to hot to drink and I can hear the wind blowing outside, Oh I sure hope we all get to see the sun today. As I have been up thinking of everything I need to get done this week I thought I would take sometime to respond to some of your messages.

Christmas 2016

Christmas 2016

Christmas was wonderful. I kept thinking to myself, what a blessing that we are all together. I think I said that to myself over a dozen of times. It’s funny how you really don’t think about what a blessing that is. You kind of just take it for granted. I am so lucky to have my mom, my uncle and aunt, my brothers, my family all still here with me.

It was also nice to have Crystal and Gage, Courtney and Alec, Cassidy and Jonah all together. I love their kind hearts, their energy, and how they make the holiday complete.

I can’t believe we are in 2017! It is crazy how time flies. Again, I realize how lucky we are that just a few months ago, we celebrated a wedding with all of our family and friends. To have that time, to make that memory is truly more meaningful to me today.

So the last time I posted, we had gotten our news about Crystal. That they found something but then they didn’t find anything. So instead of 3 month check they would like to see her in 6 weeks. Well, that day is coming up, Thursday, February 16th.

Now how is Crystal doing? Well, she is extremely busy. This last week has been a little rough. It seems that when it is about 3 weeks to the next scan, the nerves and tears try to take over but she keeps pushing forward and I couldn’t ask for anything more.

I must say, this next scan will be difficult one for me. She will be going up and coming home all in one day. She will be getting her results immediately and for the first time I will be getting the results over the phone. Yikes!

I am sure you are wondering how I am handling that…Well…

It was Christmas Eve. Crystal came over in the morning to wrap just one more surprise gift for her hubby. She hurried up and wrapped it, knowing she needed to get home quickly because she would be coming back over for our Family Christmas at our house. Before she left, she was just standing by the front door.

She was like mom, I turned to her and was like what.
Well, I know when I am going back to Mayo already. I was shocked, really?
Yea, I just got it. And mom, all of my appointments will be done in one day.
I was even more shocked, okay.
And Mom, I am going to be turning 25. And. And. I would like to go to this appointment with just my husband.
Our eyes are staring into each others. She looked like my little girl asking for permission. It was crazy, I could feel from the top of my head to my toes this warm feeling. Gosh was I gonna cry, was I calm, was I shocked, was I angry but something came over me as I stared into her eyes.
I smiled and said, honey I sure do understand. You are a woman. A married woman. Crystal immediately says, well mom, if you really want to come, then you can but I would like to try it this time alone.
I immediately said, no worries Crystal. You’ve got this.
Crystal smiled, see you in a bit mom and turned and walked out the door.
What did I do? I went to my room. Cried a little bit. Chatted with God for a minute. And did my best to focus on the blessings of the holiday.

So Christmas went by. New Years Eve went by. And I am watching my life go by, thinking hmmmm so this is life. I sure did go through some emotions. You would do anything for your child. You would sacrifice everything for your child. You never stop being a parent and being a parent comes with no guidebook.

I am happy that God gave me strength to answer her with a smile which in return gave Crystal the confidence to know that it will be okay. Even though I knew as a mother I needed a little more time to take it in.

I think what helped me the most was knowing that Crystals immediate family, was now her husband, Gage and her cat, Storm. That’s it. And honestly that is really all that matters. I am a mother who will love her no matter what and that is my job. So, it’s gonna be okay. But hey, if any of you want to get coffee on February 16th, let me know :)

Tonight Crystal and I were talking about something else that has recently been brought to our attention. Crystal thought, when you write in my story mom, I think you should share this, I am sure I am not the only one that this has happened to.

You know it is human nature to gossip. When you are with friends and trust me, family. You discuss others that are not there. Goodness, I have ran a team of women for over 23 years. I get it. And usually it is really nothing. But when it is something very hurtful, that you can’t control, you have to learn to deal with it.

Learning that a friend has made remarks to others, that she is sick of hearing about the Cancer thing. That Crystal uses Cancer to get attention. That her mom talks about it, almost like she trying to promote her business with it. I must say not only angered me but crushed my heart because you would really say that out loud. That you would truly think that about her, about me. I would call you a troll but you know us.

It is funny how at first, I was the one furious, annoyed and Crystal, she stayed strong. She really didn’t care. She even asked me, is it strange that I don’t care? I of course told her I wish I had a little of that attitude. I would probably me a much happier person in life. Crystal smiled. As I did explain, like I did to my girls while they were in school. People that are overly friendly usually have an alternative motive. Smile & don’t hang around it.

So Yep, that has been said. Not the first time, we have heard that before and I am sure it will not the last time. So why tell you all about it. Because Cancer is a journey. If you recall, Crystal was accused at a bar for lying about her Cancer. Huge argument from a girl she didn’t know.

And as far as me promoting my business? Well honey, it happens to be my dance studio, a business that is a huge part of “all” three of my daughters lives. With that being said, this business is part of our journey that WE are on. If it bothers you, you don’t have to be apart of any of it.

When I think of the dance studio, CR Spirits, that I started in 1993 in a garage, with no dance background, no business education. I am proud to say, I took a dream and made it work. Keep in mind, not only was I 23 years old, I was married and starting a family. Yep, work. Lots of it. And in the end, all those people that have touched my life in that dance studio have prayed for my daughter and honey, that is a blessing that I am sure people are jealous of.

When I share her story, it was to help me tell all of the people that were close to me what was going on at one time. What I learned, is it emotionally helped me. That is probably why counselors tell you to journal. What I was shocked with, was everyone who was inspired with her story through my eyes.

I learned from Oprah in 7th or 8th grade. Tell your story, because when you talk about it, you own it. And Oh how she is right! I wish I could Thank Her for that Remark. That statement I have carried through my whole life. And knowing that sharing our life journey, helps Crystal own her story, receive many prayers on this difficult journey, raise awareness of Pancreatic Cancer, as a mother that is truly all that matters.

As I told Crystal, Courtney and Cassidy all kinds of people make the world go around. And to remember, “If they do it with you, they will do it to you”.

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