March 2022

Recovery time then summertime…

Written Thursday, March 10th @ 1:20pm

Another set of prayers have been answered. God does have a plan for her, for us, for all of you. 

That wonderful gifted surgeon got all 4 tumors in her liver. All of them that he could see. What an incredible feeling that is. I can only imagine how she feels as a fighter to hear that news.

Crystal had to be at the hospital at 6:30am today. It has taken awhile for her to wake up after this procedure, so we just now got to see her at 1pm. She is resting but yet in pain.

Yes, we do have recovery time, as it will be painful but knowing she can enjoy her summer for a bit without the worry and feeling sick is a gift. A gift that a lot of us forget we have.

Hoping that we will get to go home tomorrow but for now I thank you all for your gift of time. The time you took to say a prayer, send a message or think a positive thought of our daughter, of our family. We are blessed.

I saw this today and enjoyed it, it made me think.

“If your path is difficult it is because your purpose is bigger than you thought.”

*Photo taken from our balcony before we walked over to the hospital. And then a pic of the three of us before they took her away.


Update💜

Written Wednesday, March 9th @ 3:30pm

First off great news…Everything looks the same. No changes, we are relieved. Crystal said her stress level was an 8 & is now a 4, when the nurse asked what her level was.

Crystal just received her news…10th Floor Gonda Building

Second, she will have surgery to get the 4 tumors in her liver tomorrow at 6:30am! It is her same doctors and they feel they can get them all.

Granted there is one near the colon in her liver which makes things tricky but he will do his best. If everything goes smooth, she won’t need to come back to Mayo until June possibly July after her sister Cassidy’s wedding💜

God is good. He is listening. And God thank you for letting her have a summer to enjoy.
Now it’s time to find something to eat!

STAYIN’ Alive…

Written on Wednesday, March 9th @ 8:15am

It’s a chilly morning in Rochester, as I sit on the 3rd floor of the Gonda building at Mayo and watch the flurries out the large windows. It is quiet, Crystal has gone back to do her MRI, and I thought this would be a perfect time to do a little update.

Crystal & Gage take a selfie at Mayo. Crystal & I take a selfie at the Hotel.

Gage drove Crystal and I to Rochester yesterday as Crystal had some tests that needed to be done. And today started very early for her with more tests, doctor visits both at Mayo and at the hospital. It is a busy day and keeping the anxiety away can be challenging.

The plan is to possibly have a surgery Thursday to remove some or all of the tumors in her liver. Granted we will not be getting the tumors that are in the lungs at this time but we do have a plan for the liver.

So your beautiful prayers, positive thoughts we sure would take them. We would take them so we can stick to our plan with the surgery Thursday. The reason there would be no surgery is if the tumors are in spots they can’t get, or that they have multiplied or have spread. And with not taking chemo for the last 3 months you question what is going on in her body, as the last 10 rounds of chemo kept the tumors at bay even though she was sick on chemo.

On a happy note, I can tell you though her body was healthy enough to do the Spirit Show this last Saturday and it filled our hearts full to see the support and love from our Spirit Fans. I must say doing something you love sure keeps you smiling.

We will know by this evening our next step. ((hugs)) to all on this journey we call life.

Here are some posts Crystal had made on social media….

2-23-22 from Crystal

Training for this Spirit Show is about to come to an end. We have less than two weeks till showtime! 

1 year ago I started chemotherapy. And since then I have completed 10 full rounds. While on chemo I somehow managed to live my life as normal as possible. One of the main things I worked on was this next Spirit Show… dedicated around me & Stayin Alive. Honestly looking back I really don’t know how I did it. Chemotherapy is not only physically draining but also mentally. But I guess that is what makes this show on March 5th so powerful. I hope when you watch me dance on stage in just a few days you feel inspired. At the end of the day I think my job is to make others feel that way. Life can be taken away from us so quickly. Don’t spend another minute not doing something you love.

I do have a cancer update for all of you… that Tuesday after the show I will be heading up to the Mayo Clinic for the rest of that week. We are doing all my normal scans & will be discussing new treatment options. I have lived long enough to try new things… very blessed. I will also be having a surgery to remove the 4 tumors from my liver. Currently we are not going to focus on my lung tumors. One day at a time 

If you still need tickets to the Spirit Show please reach out. I want as many people possible watching this show. I want you to feel the energy from not only me but all those performers on stage. Spirit Show 2022 we are ready 

3-3–22 from Crystal

One week from today I will be in a hospital room. I will be hooked IVs, I will be wearing a hospital gown and I will be rating my pain on a scale from 1-10. But before I do any of that… it’s showtime! Saturday I will be hooked to the music, I will be wearing my performance uniform and I will be rating my life on how grateful I really am… because sometimes I forget. Don’t we all? Thank you to everyone who is coming out to support 

 March 5, 2022 tickets will be at the door.

December 2021

Merry Christmas Everyone

Written Wednesday, December 22nd @ 12:30pm

I can’t believe Christmas is almost here! It is crazy how fast time goes by. Like you wish for things to hurry up and get here because you are excited for them, or you want to know the next step in life, whatever it may be for you.

I remember once being at an amusement park and watching a family in front of me as we waited in line to get on a ride. Their kids were dying to go on another ride and wouldn’t let up because they were so excited about it. I could tell the parents were exhausted and I thought gosh I see both sides. The sad thing is the kids couldn’t get excited about the ride they were about to go on because they were so focused on another one. So I said something to my girls quietly.

It is like we forget the moments in between that, those moments are also important and very meaningful but we get so focused on that one thing or that next thing.

Heck then the next thing, we are another year older, that alone makes you go, I wish I could go back, I would have a different attitude or I would change things in my life. Wouldn’t we all do that? Are we ever happy? I think we all do that until something wakes us up and reminds us.

So it’s been since August since you have heard from us and I know a few of you have been asking about our fighter lately. For almost 9 years I have been writing to you about our families journey, for almost 9 years this beautiful young 29 year old has been fighting and fighting hard. Thank you for taking the time to read the updates, send the messages, the prayers, the uplifting mail you have sent, and gifts, I can’t describe how much it has helped our journey. I am not sure where we would have been without the fundraisers. You have taught me the kindness of others is still out there. I don’t think I would have ever thought to do some of the things you have done for us. Thank You and I will pass it forward.

So in the last few months…Spirits has begun again, I will just add that has been difficult after taking a year and half off for every woman on that team. We have celebrated Halloween, and our little Hazel was a dinosaur. Cassidy got engaged! Yep, our last daughter will be getting married in 2022! Another wedding = More family memories. And Thanksgiving which was very meaningful to us as Crystal has been struggling with the last few rounds of chemo.

To correct a few rumors we have heard, more than likely just misunderstandings because you see a smile and a positive attitude from our family…

Crystal does have cancer. She is not in remission. Stage 4 cancer is usually NOT curable. She has 7 tumors that we can see. We hope for no more than those 7. We hope for no growth in those 7. We hope to take a break from Chemo so her body can rest. As Crystal says, “Mom, I am taking a break from Chemo no matter what. Because I don’t want to live this way anymore.” As hard as it is to hear that, to think about it, I also do believe in miracles, as we have received them. I do believe God listens, and I believe God has used Crystals journey to help others. I believe, I believe, I believe. And with that attitude it helps keep me positive.  I am also not saying I don’t have my days. I just don’t choose to stay in that frame of mind. And Crystals journey has helped me recognize my blessings, it has made me stronger as a woman/mother/coach, trust me, I have had to look for those blessings, to find that attitude.

Her next Mayo appointment is Tuesday, December 28th! We hope for a Christmas/New Years Miracle. And we would appreciated some beautiful prayers from our prayer warriors. 

Merry Christmas and I will chat with you all on the evening of the 28th.

August 2021

Before bed tonight…

Written Sunday, August 22nd @ 9:00pm

It is a beautiful evening in Iowa, and as I get ready for bed, I wanted to take a moment and ask all of you for prayers for our Crystal. Prayers for good news tomorrow morning. Right before you go to sleep, when you shut your eyes, just ask God to take those tumors away. Please.

Yes, it is already time for another check up. Another time of worry, of wonder, of thinking what is next.

Crystal and Gage headed to Rochester early this morning. And yes, on a Sunday she began her tests. It is that way right now because of the pandemic, and Mayo getting caught up with all of their patients. The videos of Mayo being so dark and quiet was kind of scary/creepy I thought when she sent them to me but Crystal loved it. She said she got right in and out today. It was peaceful.

As for Crystal she is looking great, busy and happy. She spends a lot of time with her niece, Hazel. Plus the Spirits have started up again, getting ready for that Spirit Show, so that has taken her mind off of this appointment which has been wonderful. It was like for a brief moment she forgot her battle.

So tonight as a mom, my heart is racing and I ask God please hear me.

Crystal is ready for dance tonight!

Written Monday, August 23rd @ 10am

I wake up and I can hear rain, thunder, I think to myself how much we need it, we all need it. And then I immediately thought yep, I hear you God. You’ve got this.

Hazel brought smiles to my face this early morning and she kept Rod and I busy. I bet she was wondering what that stuff was falling from the sky today. And as she falls asleep, we receive the phone call we have been waiting for. I whisper, Hi Crystal and she says…

Mom, we got great news! The tumors in my lungs, two of them look like they have shrunk in size, and the ones in my liver, there is no change. So like nothing grew and nothing new! It is the best news we could hear except maybe that they are gone and I am cancer free, but I will take this news. All they said is they will talk more to my team on my next step and I will learn that at the end of the week. I just need to get my vaccine booster now since I am one that is more at risk.

This news will make their drive home more enjoyable, and she is ready for dance tonight.

I thank you all for the quick prayers, messages, texts and calls. I know it was last minute but it sure feels nice to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time.

And I appreciate you thinking we are so positive but I bet you are too, you just don’t think you are. You really have two options, negative or positive and I choose positive, especially if I have had sleep.

Here is a post from our fighter last week.

Mom, 9 years ago, we were at the Iowa State Fair performing our hearts out! I was on top of the world, I was doing what I love with a smile. This photo was taken before Stage 4 Cancer. Before the worries began, before the fight for my life. And to this day I am still doing that, fighting for my life. I thought I knew my life’s plan but God had other ideas.
This Spirit Show “STAYIN’ ALIVE” is exactly what you wanted to do in 2014 but the timing wasn’t right. And then the world is in a pandemic, and we are all trying to “Stay ALIVE”. It is the right time to showcase our hearts! Our Spirit Family! I’m ready mom, I’m ready to inspire. I thank God for this opportunity, and I thank you and dad for keeping this dream alive.
Here is a photo of me today, still smiling but doing my best to enjoy every moment in my life like it is my last. We should all live like that.
I did a video so people can hear me talk about the program! I hope you all enjoy it as hard as it is to make those things. And if you know someone who would like a free dance class, listen up. They start this week!
Monday 5:30-6pm ages 3-6
Monday 6:15-7:15pm ages 7-9
Tuesday 5:30-6:30pm ages 10-12
Tuesday 6:45-7:45pm ages 13-17
Courtney & Cassidy can’t wait to be on stage with you again❤️

May 2021

Guess what tomorrow is?

Written on Monday, May 10th @ 4:40pm

A new kind of Mother’s Day!

Well first off I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day. I hope you mothers felt loved. I hope your expectations of the day were meant. And to the mothers who are new, to the great grandmothers who can’t believe how fast life has gone by, the fathers who play the roll of a mother and the mothers that are smiling down at their children from heaven…You are appreciated, you are thought of. As challenging as it is to be a mother, a good mother, it is also extremely exhausting. ((Hugs)) 

So tomorrow there is a beautiful fighter who turns 29. Yes, 29. And they all said she wouldn’t be here at 23. What a blessing it is, what a miracle she is. Thank You God for answering our prayers. Happy 29th Birthday Crystal and I can’t wait to celebrate YOU tomorrow night, no matter what.

And so also tomorrow, Crystal is at Mayo. Yes, her 3 month check up is already here, and it is on her birthday. She will have a day of tests, a day of scans, a visit from her team of doctors and she will then learn the news of her next step.

Crystal has done three rounds of chemo, you ask how she is? Well again, she looks great, her attitude is so up lifting. When she feels ill, she listens to her body and fakes it. She believes in positivity, she believes in goals, she believes that no one can have it all and she believes that Hazel is here to change our lives.

I would love for another miracle. I would love that the 7 tumors would just be gone. I would love that Crystal could hear the words “cancer free”. I would give anything to let her just enjoy life with no worries, just one more time. But realistically I know what we are up against too. So for now, please let there be no change. Just 7 tumors that have remained the same, or even shrunk a little bit. If we could hear those words tomorrow, I would again feel like our prayers are being answered. God, I am so tired, I am so tired please hear our prayers.

I can’t believe it has been three months since I last updated you. And in three months we sure have lived. One month ago today, I lost my father and 5 days after that, I became a grandma. Needless to say my emotions are all over the place. I maybe lost right now but I know God will see me through it and will put the right people in my life to help me.

To the woman that I bumped into recently that asked about our family. You spoke such kind words of our families strength, the inspiration you get from our family from this journal and how you can feel what I am saying, that sometimes you think I am speaking to you through my writing. Thank You for taking the time to say that, isn’t it funny how God works. I am no writer but I do write truthfully on how I feel. I am sure you were surprised to see me begin to cry. I think God knew I needed to hear that even if it was from a stranger but yet maybe you needed to see that we are just a family that works on being a family every day. It doesn’t just happen, you have to work on it and it is exhausting and rewarding at the same time. I thank you for having the courage to approach me and I hope you could feel how much I needed it too.

As for tomorrow…We sure will take those birthday prayers! We sure will take those positive vibes. We sure will take those beautiful messages, kind words and energy to help our family through yet another exhausting journey.

Happy Birthday Crystal!

Writing on Tuesday, May 11th @ 4:30pm

It is a beautiful day in Iowa, and Crystal stated it was a beautiful day in Minnesota too. Now for the news…

I am sitting in my bedroom, the sun is shining brightly into my window, I keep looking at the clock. My heart seems like it has been racing all day. I know it is busy today at Mayo so the appointment could be running behind. I am trying to talk to God, but then yet I get distracted and think, thank goodness for our prayer warriors. They’ve got my back, right?

And then my phone rings, actually sooner than I thought it should have. It is Gage’s phone number? Why is it from his phone? Oh my gosh, it is FaceTime to boot. Is there something wrong? Do I need to hear or see something? My heart races faster, and I answer it.

And there they are. Crystal and Gage, showing me the beautiful tulips, Crystals favorite flower. I stated the appointment seemed to go fast…And with a smile on her face, she says it did. And mom, nothing has changed. The chemo seems to be working. And mom, one of my tumors in my lungs got a little smaller. So for my next step I will do another three months of chemo.

Needless to say the three of are smiling. We are thankful. Blessed. And God, thank you for answering the prayers but now I sure hope you hear the thankful prayers too.

Crystal was off to call her dad, her sisters, and her grandmother. And tonight, we will celebrate. 

On another note, Gage was so sweet. As she went into her MRI that seemed to take longer than usual, Gage got one of her gifts ready for her to open for when she came back out of the room. It was a thoughtful surprise. I could tell when she called me earlier today, that no matter the news, she is making the most of her day, and that Gage is making her feel so special. As a mother, that thoughtful surprise makes me cry happy tears. 

February 2021

Words from our fighter…

Written on Wednesday, February 17th @ 3:45pm

My courageous fighter, my inspiration, my daughter…I am ready to dance and fight this with you!

Crystal wrote: I have taken this last week to really process the information I just received at the Mayo Clinic. For those of you that don’t know… my cancer has grown and I now have 4 tumors in my liver & 3 tumors in my lungs. I will be starting chemotherapy again in the next week or two. I have read every single message & I am so blessed that I have all of you in my life. So THANK YOU for all your uplifting messages. Every morning I write what I am grateful for… and every morning I always put my family, friends, my prayer warriors and my healthy body… as well as many other things. My body might be struggling with cancer currently but it doesn’t mean it is not healthy. I am still able to do all the things I want and need to do in life. And for that I am grateful… and always will be. So for my next exciting adventure I think it is time to start putting together this next Spirit Show… to not only inspire me, but to also inspire those watching! Everyone has a journey & it’s our job as humans to spread positivity & be kind to everyone around you. Please remember that… Again thank you & let’s do this thing! 💜💪🏼

Never give up, Never give in.

Written on Wednesday, February 10th @ 6:45pm


Thank you all for your prayers, your messages and positive vibes. It has taken me over two hours to come up with the words of wisdom for this post. I guess the words I choose will be, “It can always be worse”.

Crystal & Gage arrived at Mayo early this morning. When I received my text that they had arrived and that the roads were good, I thought, well one prayer has already been answered.

She met with her team of doctors today at 3:05pm to go over her tests…My heart began to race about 3:45pm, knowing my call would be coming soon. Then my phone rang at 4:18pm. I could hear it in her calm voice. Well mom, it is not the news we wanted to hear.

The positives, her lungs look good. Where they operated on in October looks great. Even her blood work is looking good. But her liver. The few spots in her liver that they have been watching have decided to grow. 4 tumors to be exact. Chemo will begin immediately. They want to try to keep the cancer at bay and not to continue to have them spread and grow. These 4 tumors are in spots of the liver that they could reach surgically as time comes but first we have to slow it down, not let them spread. They are still waiting for one more scan to come back but for now we have a plan.

Cancer is a Courageous Battle. A constant fight emotionally and physically.

As I ask her, have you been crying, you sound muffled? She said, it is my mask mom. And mom, there is NO “Weak Bitch Moments” and we laugh. This is a quote from Monday’s The Bachelor Show. I must say as much as the show has been hard for me to watch (I am not a fan), that did make us laugh.

She will be meeting with her oncology doctor here in Cedar Rapids already tomorrow. So I guess now we begin the next step.

But for now, she wants to drive home, take it all in and call me again when she gets home so she asks mom, will you call the family? Of course.

Scratch That…Scratch That!!!!

At 6:10pm…About to post the update, Crystal & Gage call. Her doctor called to let her know that the last scan did finally come back as they are driving home. And she learns that we again, have spots in her lungs. They maybe small but they can see that it is the cancer. Chemo is her option. We need to get ahead of it.

Crystal is sad, looking for guidance and positivity. Covid Sucks! Telling the news over the phone, Sucks! Trying to find God when you are scared and mad, Sucks! Mom, I will call dad and my sisters later after I get home. For now, I’m trying to be positive.

I must say I am pretty quiet.

So for now….Let us just take a moment as a family and take in this news that is extremely exhausting. Crystal Marie Barnett, Courtney Kiburz, Cassidy Kuehl, Gage Barnett, Alec Kiburz, Rod and I thank you for this time.


Today is World Cancer Day!

Written on Thursday, February 4th 2021 @ 5:00pm

What a perfect day for an update, on World Cancer Day. It is a cold, snowy, windy, actually an extremely windy day here in Iowa. Sitting in the kitchen, drinking some tea, trying to look out the window but the windows are covered with snow, and I think to myself, I really don’t want to shovel again.

I have enjoyed listening to some music from the past, Neil Diamond & Eddie Money are my choices for today. Music is a beautiful thing, it literally can take you back to a time in your life, and just for a moment take you away from the present. Not saying all memories are wonderful but it reminds you what you have lived through as well. Now let’s see, where to begin?

Can you believe that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas & New Years have flown by since my last update. Crazy to think how time just keeps moving forward and as I get older, it seems to be going faster. I hope your holidays were wonderful. I’m sure they were different with the pandemic but I hope you found a way to make them memorable, and found the good in them being a little different. I know we did. Matter of fact, I have never heard Crystal laugh, giggle and enjoy Christmas as much as she did this year. A memory I know our family will never forget.

How is Crystal, our fighter doing? I think she is emotionally and physically doing really well. Crystal also has been doing a lot of her own reading on the vaccine. She has her doctor here, her team of doctors in Rochester, her family, her friends and takes everyones thoughts into consideration and then does her own investigating. I am proud of her. I trust her. I trust our path. Will she get the shot? She will learn more next week on that, when she is in Rochester. However, Crystal plans to get the shot when she can and if they say she can.

Crystal’s next appointment is Wednesday, February 10th. Is she scared? Well, sure she wants to hear good news but is fearful that she will not. She also knows, whatever the news she will have to accept and move forward. Please send positive vibes and prayers that day…We live by them. Thank You in advance.

Is Crystal dancing? Well, no. We are doing are best to stay safe and we are hoping that in April we are back to dancing. I can tell you that this is the longest I have ever gone since 1993 without dancing and I even had two children in that time frame. It is amazing what you take for granted. You think that you are not going to take things for granted anymore since you have a daughter fighting Stage 4 Cancer but you do. I guess just like when you pray to God and say you will never ask for anything else if you can just have this, and funny, it is like I am always asking for just one more thing with him.

I can tell you Crystal has been very excited about becoming and auntie. Her free time is about planning a drive-by baby shower, meeting Hazel Marie in April, and taking one day at a time. However, she is a little obsessed with Animal Crossing.  

As some of you have struggled this year with all of the changes in our world, the worry of what is next and the fear of being judged on something you think or say, you are not alone. And honestly all we can do is keep our faith and trust our path. And that doesn’t come easy, it is a daily morning task that Crystal & I do. Our morning chats help us remember what is important.

October 2020

Home.

Written on Friday, October 17th @ 3:40pm

It was a very windy windy drive home but we made it. My reason for making another update was to let our prayer warriors know that Justin has passed. We do thank you for all of the prayers for him and his family.

You know, Thursday night when we went back to our hotel rooms to do our 9:00pm Prayers for Justin, I then began to work on the update for Crystal, and at that moment Crystal had let me know that Justin had gone into Hospice.

In January 2020 Justin, Tasia, Gage & Crystal went to a Hockey Game, something Justin was excited to do.

My first thought was God is answering the prayers and going to give him peace and rest. But then I immediately thought, gosh maybe that is not right. Like, we want him to stay here. I don’t understand but instead I just stayed quiet, as Crystal states it is not fair, I just need him to be here when I get out of surgery. 2020 sucks. Cancer Sucks.

At that moment I called my mom, and the first thing she says to me is, the prayers are working, he is finding rest. He is not afraid anymore. Tiffany, everyone is praying and at that moment he is not afraid. It is God. And hearing that from my mom, gave me peace of mind. It is so hard to trust.

So I finish my update, I talk to God. I sleep in this beautiful hotel and think what do I have to complain about.

Now after her surgery, knowing she is doing surprisingly well, the first thing I mentioned to Crystal when I got to FaceTime her was, my experience of feeling her tell me she was okay. I told her that it was scary and neat at the same time but I also immediately was so taken back that I put my books away and did my best to think of something else. I told her I actually felt guilty afterwards because maybe I shouldn’t of been afraid. Maybe I would have learned more about myself, or this journey if I would have let it play out.

She says I don’t know mom, I was thinking of you but I didn’t feel anything. I actually had Justin on my mind a lot. And mom, there is something I want to tell you, but I don’t want you to be sad. The minute I could ask Gage how Justin was doing, Gage said he had passed. And as sad as it is mom, I think he was with me. I have never felt this good after a surgery. Never. I really think he was with me…I believe it.

Well, I didn’t want to share any of this until his update became public. And once it did I received a few messages asking if this is the Justin we were praying for. So I then knew, I needed to update Crystal’s Story again…

I always say, We all have a story. I always say, Life is a Journey. But even more importantly, life can be so scary unless you have faith. And even that takes work.

Thank you all…For being kind. Thank you for making a difference in my life, our lives. 

Right after surgery! Look at that smile!

Written on Saturday, October 17th @ 9:45am

My fighter! This is her right after surgery. Holding her new lung pillow! Gage Barnett it is a beautiful photo, you captured such a thankful smile. Crystal Marie Barnett is doing well and will be going home soon. Our prayers have been answered. I feel so blessed and ready to start a new chapter. It truly is remarkable how well she is doing. #godislistening #prayers #lungablation #pancreaticcancer #neuroendocrinecancer #7yearsurvivor

 

 

 

 

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I got my text!

Written on Friday, October 16th @ 4:30pm

A pic before surgery!

Gage said she is in her room! I’m so relieved💜 So far so good! Thank you for the beautiful support today for Crystal Marie Barnett & our family💜 We will be staying another night before heading home💜 Courtney, Cassidy & Alec we can breathe….The photo of Gage & Crystal was before surgery & then the text I got from Gage💜

Waiting for this text!

________________________________________________________

I feel her…

Written on Friday, October 16th @ 1:45pm

It is a chilly day here in Rochester but I sure have a beautiful hotel to sit in and wait for updates on Crystal. On the 6th floor and gazing out the window the trees are so colorful and I think the change of the season is beginning, a fresh new start.  A reminder that we all can start over, whatever it maybe. Thank you for the reminder of that today God.

Gage what a beautiful photo you took, thank you.

Gage is at the hospital and has been sending cute photos of them before surgery this morning. Surgery was delayed. It was to be at 9am and was switched to 11am.

When I walked with them over to the hospital doors the three of us did an elbow touch and smiled through our masks. They went in and I walked back with a good feeling, find those blessings.
As I wait, I begin my prayers at 11am. Crazy how my life is so different making sure I take the time to do that. One of my devotional books for today, spoke of rainbows. What a coincidence that was. It spoke of a child with autism, a child who gave a nickname of rainbow dash, I found that a strange read for the day.
First off, the last time they were here, they saw rainbows and Crystal loved it.
Second, Crystal keeps telling Cassidy to make the baby room in a rainbow decor style, something Cassidy doesn’t want. lol
Third, yesterday before Cassidy’s doctors appointment she spoke of hoping her baby would be healthy, I had explained to her that God gives us what we can handle, he knows what you do for a living, so God knows you already have that under control, so just embrace this time. Trust the path.
Fourth, Crystal and I were looking at the Erin Condren planners and I said I would buy her one, she said I will take the rainbow one since Cassidy doesn’t want the baby room in rainbows, I will settle for a planner in one. lol
I smiled at that devotional and found it strange to be that one for this day but maybe I am just reading into it.
And then…the craziest thing, I am not sure how to write it. I am sitting at the table, I have been praying for over an hour. And then I get this anxious, heart racing feeling. I feel Crystal, I feel like she is here with me, I feel like she is trying to say she is okay…It freaked me out so much that I shut my books and looked back that the stove to see the clock said 12:15pm. I took some breaths and honestly it scared me. My eyes began to water. Am I crazy, am I making it up? I texted my dear friend Kevin to see what he was doing and to tell him what just happened. His response was beautiful. But then, our family doctor, the one that found the cancer, our friend calls me, he was thinking of Crystal and thought he should reach out…needless to say I started to cry.
And at that moment Gage is texting, I call him and he says they took her back about 12pm but she was very nervous, so they gave her something to calm down before she went back. Gage, thinks she was probably asleep by 12:15pm. So you prayer warriors, as weird of a feeling that was, as much as it scared me and made me question if I was making it up, I feel like she was here telling me she is okay.
I am so glad I am here….

Surgery tomorrow…

Written on Thursday, October 15th @ 9:30pm

Crystal has surgery tomorrow morning. Her journey started on Wednesday of this week with getting rechecked and visiting with doctors to confirm this procedure again, but this time we needed a little extra help from the doctors to find confidence in this round.
So the last surgery did not go as planned. As one of the team of doctors stated, “This is the first time I have ever seen something like that happen. I have been a doctor here for over 20 years, that should have never happen, especially here at Mayo”. The doctors let her know that she is small but there should be no troubles getting the tube down her throat.

FaceTime with her Dad…

Crystal “didn’t have surgery” but yet she did, just nothing got accomplished. She was tired, her body was sore, her neck ached, she was coughing up blood, she couldn’t talk, and it took over a week to get back to normal.

With this procedure going the way it did, it made me realize that I will be going to Rochester and sitting in the hotel across the street and Crystal totally agreed. So, I am here. This procedure also made Crystal think about a lot of things in life. She really has a unique way to look at life because of the road she has to travel.
We are lucky to stay in a new hotel here in Rochester, I must say it is amazing and it sure takes your mind off of tomorrow doing something different here.
Tonight we FaceTimed her dad and then headed back to our rooms to start our prayers for Justin at 9pm. Justin is a very dear friend of theirs who is battling his own cancer journey, and I know he really needs your prayers at this moment.
And Crystal says to me, mom please make my post about him, please he needs it. And then the tears begin…

She has got this but then…

Written on Thursday, October 1st, 2020 @ 12:30pm

Cold and dark in Rochester as Crystal & Gage run across the street from their hotel to the hospital this early morning.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true~ L Frank Baum
Crystal says the night before surgery, “Mom, we saw two rainbows today!” I am thinking it must be a good sign, thank you Gage for capturing her with it.

She can feel the prayers, she is ready. Crystal is prepped, IV in and ready to go to sleep. As the procedure begins they realize that her trachea is way too small. They tried three different tubes, which then bleeding began and then they had to stop surgery. It will be reschedule in two weeks.

She is awake, her throat is very sore, she will be checked over and then they will head home.

This means more hotel stays, another uncomfortable Covid Test, another prep, another set of worries emotionally and physically. It is frustrating but there is a reason. There is a reason it didn’t happen the way it was planned.

A positive note, she will see her family again without having to recover from a surgery first.

Thank You for your prayers, your support and your uplifting messages. They help. 

September 2020

The plan remains.

Written on Wednesday, September 30th, 2020 @ 1:00pm

Such a windy day, so windy I wish it would blow that cancer away. We hoped it would be a different plan with no surgery but ultimately we know that she has tumors in her lungs. We know that Crystal has Stage 4 Cancer. We’ve been lucky the last 7 years with all of the prayers we’ve received, to always stay ahead of it, and so that is what we do again. She fights to stay ahead of it.

A snapchat pic from our fighter!

Crystal will be having surgery/lung ablation bright an early tomorrow morning. There is a tumor in her right lung that has grown, so it is best to get it out of there and not wait. There are a couple of more tumors in her lungs but they are too small to get at this time.

Some good news, her blood work looked great, there was no tumors in her liver, and nothing new popped up and it looks like only one has grown! We will take that news.

The next positive thing is, Crystal will be one of the first patients to use the new state of the art Lung Ablation Suite and Floor. And everyone gets a private room after surgery. That sure makes you feel good when you can’t have any visitors but one.

Crystal is not alone in Rochester, she is with her husband. Gage, is very good and respectful at keeping me informed. Crystal misses her team that is always with her but she knows we are with her in Spirit.

We have raised a very considerate daughter. Crystal worries about her husband and her mom with the choice of only being able to have one person with her. She worries about our feelings, our thoughts, our opinions, and then worries about her choices, her future, her cancer. With that being said, the three of us spoke on the phone and decided that I would stay back in Iowa and wait. My plan was to go, stay at the hotel, not really see her but through a window and just knowing that I was across the street would make her feel better. But after speaking with them, I feel this will help Crystal put herself first. It will help her just worry about her, not unconsciously worry about me being across the street not being able to see her. Thank God for technology, we will just FaceTime.

Am I sad? Yes. I hate Cancer, I hate Covid! Please help me continue to have Faith.

On another note, something that made me tear up & smile. Crystal calls me with her news and then it is my turn to make the calls to the family. I always start with her father, then her sisters and then my mom!

As Crystal says, “Hey mom, when you call my sisters will tell them all the good stuff. Like let them know I am okay. I don’t want Cassidy worrying. I want her to take care of herself. We need that little baby in the family. So don’t let her worry”. 

God has a plan.

112 Days Later…

Written on Monday, September 28th, 2020 @ 2:30pm

Happy Father’s Day!

A chilly day in Iowa, I am loving my sweatshirt with a pair of shorts, my hair in a pony and the fireplace. Even the trees are changing, I guess it shows life keeps moving on.

112 days since I last updated you on our fighter. 112 days of life that we won’t get back. 112 days of our world that is continuing to change as we struggle to find the good in each day, to find peace and to learn to have faith. So much has happened in the last 112 days. Did you make the most of it? I did.

Year End Party for the Spirit Family…Until next time.

Yes, this virus has stopped the world but that doesn’t mean you stop living. That also doesn’t mean you judge others on their choices in life. A very simple rule of thumb, “if you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing”. And remember, there is always someone that doesn’t like you…the crazy thing is, a lot of times it is simply because of what someone has said about you. With that being said, that is why it is so important that you do you. That you believe in you.

4th of July Hike!

Crystal is doing well. Yes, she has the fight of her life. Yes, she worries about the “what if’s”. Yes, she has the same issues as others, with life, being a woman, being married. And then the Derecho hits Iowa, a hurricane and now she worries about her roof, water in her home, the insurance and let us not forget the worry of her sisters home, her families and the guilt of wanting to help everyone.

2020 has been pretty rough for so many people, that you feel guilty asking for prayers, positive vibes, or help. People have changed because of Covid, with losing loved ones, jobs, their security in life, well what they know of it. Then throw on a Storm, a hurricane and the fear of money, insurance, the clean up after a disaster, the loss of personal things. Even having electricity, or having phone access makes you realize what you take for granted.

Courtney’s Wedding Shower!

As Crystal recently said to me, “Mom, I have struggled the last four months. When I see people that I follow fighting cancer and not making it as far as I have. The people that don’t have the love and support that I have. The fact that the Storm could have been so much worse for my home or for our family. I look at the frustrations that this virus has caused in my relationship, but I would rather have someone that takes it seriously than not. I find myself feeling guilty that I am struggling mentally when I know it could be so much worse. I guess I have Survivors Guilt”.

And as I respond, “That it is a normal feeling, so even if you were not fighting cancer, you would still have those feelings. It is okay, too not be okay and the fact that you see it is a positive thing. It will pass Crystal as long as you make your own choices, with your own beliefs. As long as you listen to that inner voice, it will pass in time”.

Bachelorette Party!

So here we are, tomorrow, Tuesday morning Crystal will be heading out very early for Rochester. She will have tests all day, including a Covid test. At this time she is scheduled to meet with the surgeons on Wednesday morning and then with surgery to follow on Thursday. At this time, I am not going because of Covid. As a mother, a caretaker it is heartbreaking and shocking but it is in Gods hands. One thing I have learned through these last 7 years is that having an advocate at the hospital with a loved one is extremely important. Yes, there are wonderful nurses and Yes, there are some that are not so wonderful. Having an advocate at your side, takes less work away from the nurse and makes others accountable and let’s not forget what it does emotionally for the one trying to get better. A healthy positive attitude surrounded by a loved one makes a world of difference.

1990 vs 2020

But the one thing I can say is in the last 112 days Crystal, you did live life. You did what you needed to do. And you did it without judging, with being safe, having a positive attitude and more importantly with having faith.

Crystal you celebrated, you embraced the:

*News you got 112 days ago!

*Father’s Day.

*Spirits Professional Dance Teams Year End Party & decided to do another Spirit Show!

*4th of July.

*Your sister, Courtney’s Wedding Shower.

*Your sisters Bachelorette Party.

*Your parents 30th Wedding Anniversary.

*Courtney & Alec’s Wedding.

*A Storm!

*Your dad’s 50th Birthday.

*And sending your dad off on a positive note with his new Job.

Courtney’s Wedding Day!

And then you were blessed to learn the news of becoming an Auntie in April of 2021! Yes, a new life for our family, a new outlook. God has a plan. And Crystal you are here to change the world, to make a difference.

Yes, I am going to be a grandma! Rod and I are excited, shocked, but very excited. Our youngest daughter Cassidy and her significant other, James are expecting. Needless to say, Crystal is over the moon & Courtney well, let’s just say we went shopping and looked at children’s clothes for the longest time. We are all ready to embrace a positive journey with this new little arrival coming in 2021.

Happy 50th Dad!

Thank you again for your love and support. I am sorry I have not been the best in updating more frequently but it has been a challenging year for all of us. I hope this update makes you smile, I hope it inspires what you needed to hear today. 

June 2020

National Cancer Survivors Day!

Written on Sunday, May 7th @ 7:15am

I thought this morning would be a perfect day to update our fighter since it is National Cancer Survivors Day.

First time with just them three together in months. Are they discussing Courtney’s wedding?

Well, we had miracle this last Tuesday afternoon. Crystal and Gage had headed back to Rochester for more tests and to meet with the surgeons. And we can say that Crystal has lived with this cancer long enough for some new technology. A new ultrasound machine that can see even more…It is 3-D. And guess what! They can’t find anything in her liver! Amazing news since two weeks ago they questioned one in her liver.

As for her lungs they have agreed to let them grow a little more…So surgery will be on hold till September. So for now, we embrace this good news. For now, we enjoy our summer.

I thank you all for following Crystals journey since March of 2013. I believe that sharing her story, asking for prayers, finding the good in this life’s journey is one of the reasons she has a positive attitude and is still here today. I thank you again for your prayers, stories and messages that you have shared with us. In return it has given us peace when I think we would normally be full of anxiety. I believe this is the first time since 2013 that it took me awhile to update knowing we had another appointment in there with possible surgeries coming up. I’m sorry for not responding to some of your messages, I will admit this has been a rough few weeks for all of us. Cancer, virus, life, being a mother, marriage, getting older, not knowing what to do next, is exhausting.

I hope you find your own peace during this time in our world. And make sure you celebrate today’s holiday.

May 2020

Waiting for the phone to ring…

Written on Tuesday, May 26th, 2020 @ 8:00pm

Crystal and Gage were on the road at 3am today. So they definitely have had a long day. Her first test started at 7:00am. Her last appointment for the day, with her news, would be at 3:45pm.

Crystal and Gage said there was no traffic on the way there, so that was nice. They also were happy that Gage and her both got into the Mayo building with no troubles, since they are now asking questions and taking temperatures because of the virus. She also said there was a lot of construction going on, I guess new things are happening at Mayo since the last time we were there.

Crystal said once she got there, started the process of her testing, she didn’t feel as anxious. Funny how her saying that to me, gave me peace.

But at 3:45pm my stomach began to turn. I felt anxious, I starred at the clock knowing pretty much what they were doing and feeling at the moment. Rod and I were quiet, we talked about what could be taking so long, what we each thought might be the news and as we waited, I began to feel more ill. Cassidy was texting wondering why she hasn’t heard anything, as Courtney was on her way home from work wondering what was going on.

I received my phone call from Crystal at 5:15pm. I could hear her crying, I could tell she had been crying and I immediately grabbed Rod and put the phone on speaker. As Crystal begins with, “It’s not the news I wanted to hear”.

In six month the tumors in her lungs have grown, they need to get them out so they can continue to be ahead of the cancer. There is one in each lung. So two procedures a few weeks apart. There is also a small tumor back in her liver, so they might be doing that as well when they do one of her lungs.

No the lung surgery doesn’t sound fun for her, it is like suffocating but they at least feel they can get them. The tumors are not some place they can’t get too. And they would rather do surgery than put her back on chemo. It is the best thing to do at this time.

Crystal took this rather hard, even the doctor asked what was so upsetting this time because he could feel her emotions all over, as she says, I think it is just everything going on in the world on top of this. And as her mother, I would say it is because the last 10 weeks she hasn’t even hugged us or seen her sisters like normal. That sure can be heartbreaking when that means so much to you.

So I FaceTimed her sisters, Courtney stayed positive, found the good in the news, as she knows it could be worse and Cassidy took it hard. I then FaceTimed my mother, uncle Bret & aunt Michele and then Rod and I took a deep breath.

Early in the day, a friend of mine has a daughter who is fighting her own battle, I sent her a quick text and it stated “God is watching over you, I know because I asked him to”. The crazy thing is when she responded, she explained that when I had sent that text the priest was actually in there room praying with them and that they just prayed for Crystal and our family. I got goosebumps all over when I read that response. How could you not believe?

And then I receive this news tonight, I am not sure how to respond to all of the messages we are getting, let alone how to take it in myself and then that same friend out of the blue reaches out to me. I tell her our news and she responds with a beautiful text with this added: 

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat,

I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

“You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?”

The Lord replied,

“The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

Yes, I cried. And it was just what I needed. I am ready to fight. I am ready for our next step. Thank You God, I know it can be so much worse, I know I will find the good and for the moment thank you for the words from my friend.

7 more days…

Written on Tuesday, May 19th, 2020 @ 2:15pm

Happy Birthday Sweetie!

There is no sun today and a chill in the air here in Iowa. It is a perfect day to do some work on the computer, actually it is something I have been doing all weekend. This morning as I sat at my desk, wrapped in a blanket, I chatted with Crystal on speaker phone as we continued to work together updating the Spirits Website, something we are horrible at! With positive ideas, new thoughts we try to plan for future things without worry, we smile and laugh, it makes for a fun morning. I then decided it was time for a little break from Spirits, as Crystal gets on the treadmill and I do an update for you all on our Fighter.

Crystal’s 28th Birthday! Yep, way past 23!

Next week at this time (Tuesday, May 26th) Crystal will be at her Mayo appointment. The doctors wanted this appointment to be in January but Crystal didn’t want to hear any negative news, if there was some, until after the Spirit Show. With that being said, it was scheduled for March, then the “virus” hit. Now, we are down to 7 days of learning what her next step will be.

Crystal and Gage will travel early Tuesday morning to Mayo. It will be dark when they leave so prayers for safe travels for them would be wonderful. Crystal can bring only one person to the appointment and preferably a person in her household. There are questions and tests that Crystal and Gage will do before they can enter the building. This will of course be all new to them and to others that go every other month or more in the past at Mayo. As a mother, my heart will be racing to hear this news over the phone, it gives me anxiety thinking about it, I hate Cancer, I hate the Coronavirus. Yet I am reminded how blessed we are that she has a husband who cares, who has taken it seriously and will be ready to find the positives in this visit. Not including that wonderful fighter that always, listens to her body, follows her passion and reads her devotionals which gives her strength and in return inspires us all.

Crystal & Gage’s Easter Basket!

As some of you have asked, is Crystal being safe? Has she quarantined? Does Gage have to go into work? Do you see her? 

Well, this Saturday we will be able to say, that Crystal and Gage have responsibly been at home together with absolutely no others for 10 weeks. They have not even ordered curbside/takeout. The groceries that are delivered to their home (unless they are to be cold/frozen), plus any gifts they have received or mail/packages has sat in a garage for a few days before coming into their place. Gage is very fortunate that he can work from home, actually it is a blessing, because that will be very important for this next visit to Mayo.

Now granted, Crystal and Gage have gone on bike rides, walks and visited a park a few times. When we have seen Crystal and Gage it has been outside, and we have kept our distance. And with technology of today you get to FaceTime, so you can say we are making the best of the situation. I hope you are too.

Courtney may not have gotten married on May 9th but they did add to their family…Meet Winston!

Since March 27th, there has been birthday celebrations, Easter, Mother’s Day and we can’t forget the big events that were suppose to happen; the Wedding Shower, Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties and the Big Wedding Day, so we’ve made sure that we made those days still special, all with being outside, keeping distance, taking turns, wearing a mask and being considerate to the situation and the feelings of others.

On May 11th, Crystal’s actual birthday, the Big 28! She did come over, sit in our Garage/Rod’s Bar, she ate Chick-fil-A, opened her gifts and watched the Spirit Show 2020 with her Grandma, Courtney, Cassidy and even Dad got home just in time to visit. The laughs, the “new” normal, the family together time was just what she needed. It lifts your soul, it gives you strength. Did she wear a mask? Yes, did she wash her hands? Every second.

This was suppose to be the Big Wedding Day…Instead a beautiful sunny day in Iowa, with immediate family having a grill out and cake!

Now, how is she doing? I think she looks great, is she worried? Sure, we all are and if you keep thinking about it, about the what ifs, it can make you sick. Last year her cancer was aggressive and hard to get ahead of it. However another way to look at it, her body at this time has had a break from chemo, a break from surgeries and she performed in a positive uplifting Spirit Show that helped her mentally and physically.

But now like you we add, the worry of the world, the virus and trying our best to have faith. The change of our economy, the scare of the unknown, the fear of it never being the same. Your plans have changed abruptly, you have no control of your next step but WE DO have control of our behavior. And WE CAN be kind. Worry about you and if you have nothing kind to say, you can be quiet. You can keep your opinions to yourself. It’s okay. Just think if we all tried that.

The reason for the Spirit Show!!! Our fighter gets to do what she loves!!!

Here is a beautiful thing I found on FaceBook

WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT …

I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it’s not like that. We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat. Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be. Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal. A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee. For others, this is a desperate financial & family crisis.

For some that live alone they’re facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest & time with their mother, father, sons & daughters.

With the $600 weekly increase in unemployment some are bringing in more money to their households than they were working. Others are working more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 just received $3400 from the stimulus while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don’t qualify for unemployment and are running out of money. Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it. Others don’t believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020. Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat. We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm. It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance. Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

Realize that and be kind.

Unknown author

March 2020

Happy “New” Birthday Crystal!

Written on Friday, March 27th @ 9:45am

Last night in our family group text, Crystals sends us a message. She had forwarded a post she saw in the media, it states;

Everyone who “needs” a ventilator will not get one. When there are two patients and one ventilator, the one with the greatest survival chance should get the ventilator first.

Crystal then says, “A lot of hospitals are running out of ventilators. They are turning down older people and people with terminal illnesses. Grandma don’t leave the house!! Same with me!”

I had heard it before, it’s all over the media but to read it from my daughter, broke my heart. Yes, a fear for all of us but another added stress for her.

Happy “New” Birthday Crystal💜

I will never forget the news we received around this time, 7 years ago today. It was shocking, scary and life changing. The fear of the unknown. And my goodness Crystal you sure have been a fighter, an inspiration and a courageous warrior through it all.

I’ve learned so much about myself, family and friends during this battle of yours. I found that talking to God daily gives me peace. I have learned that sharing your story not only helps me but helps others. I have learned that hope is a beautiful word and that God filled me with it.

And here we are today, we have not seen you in two weeks. I miss you, I miss our complete family gatherings. Yet, I’m so thankful you have a husband that takes it serious. That you have a family that wants to protect you. And to top it off I’m so very very glad that we are not hearing that news today. I couldn’t imagine being a mom, hearing that news for the first time, the fears, the worry and trying to do the right thing, and yet knowing our world is going through a difficult scary time would be just added stress. And to think, you know someone out there is going through today. Makes me sad even thinking about it.

So Crystal here is a little birthday gift I left on your front step, just a little reminder of your “New” Birthday.

As for the next appointment at Mayo (May 26th), I’ve already thanked God for that wonderful news we’re going to hear on that day. And for now, we are going to shut off the news, embrace the present and trust the path. There will be good after the heartache.

Trust me one day at a time.

Written on Thursday, March 19th, 2020 @ 12:45pm

A gloomy morning here in Iowa, a morning that makes you not want to get out of bed but you know you need to. I get up and make my bed, feed Christopurr which makes me smile. I open the blinds in the house so you feel like starting your day and begin to make some coffee as I hear the rain outside. I decided to open the sliding glass door so I can hear the rain more intensely, it’s chilly and damp but yet Christopurr was loving listening to the activity outside so I left it open.

One of my beautiful surprises from my daughters and my mom on my 50th birthday.

As I think of my day, I think of my daughters…I think I need to update Crystal’s Story but you all know that the world is in a strange place right now and I am not sure I can find anything to write about without being sad. So, I begin my devotionals, as I do in the morning, and I read… “Trust me one day at a time”. I read that like three times and I just thought about those 7 words.

As my feet began to get cold, my attention went to the outdoors and maybe closing that sliding glass door. But then I could hear that the rain had stopped. Then all of a sudden I could hear a duck quacking in my backyard, as I got up to look, it made me smile, I even thought of my dad for that moment. When I was growing up he would always, always say on rainy days, this is great weather if you are a duck, funny what memories you have. Then the birds began to sing. They were so talkative, I wonder what it means. They must be happy. I thought this is so beautiful. It made me think of my mom, who just yesterday said to me looking out her window at all the birds and squirrels in her backyard, they have no idea what our world is going through, they are just living life like normal. When I got off the phone with my mom yesterday, I thought to myself, when Crystal was first diagnosed how I could barely breathe trying to figure everything out but everyone around me seem to keep living, celebrating and enjoying life. It made me sad.

But today is a new day, and what just happened with that sliding glass door, no sun, damp and chilly. I could hear the beauty that God wanted me to hear, to recognize it, to remind all of Crystal’s Prayer Warriors that might be having a hard day. So that is what made me write to you on this Thursday.

2020 started out beautiful, so many blessings. I turned 50 in February and most of you know we put on a huge Spirit Show, celebrating my birthday but honestly is was all for Crystal who a year ago was begging to dance just one more time.

You know that birthday week was so amazing and touching, that I even thought to myself what is gonna happen? Like things are too good. I mean am I lucky enough to have, to feel this much love? And as a mom, it is so so so precious watching your children be more excited than you to surprise you with heartfelt gifts and celebrate you. I mean I am lucky to be here, in this world, at the age of 50, let alone dancing on stage with my daughters and dearest friends. And now today, never in my dreams did I think the World would be going through this, two weeks after my birthday. Just another reminder that we never know what is going to happen.

Yes, we have heard from you, your messages, texts and emails. Thank you. So after having the time of our lives we now are back to reality.

Crystal and I have shed many many tears since the Spirit Show has come to an end. We are not sure of our next step and we both have agreed that we are putting that in Gods hands. However, the feedback has been absolutely wonderful and inspiring to us that it has tempted us to do another show but again time will tell and for now, we need to wipe our happy tears, look for the good in what we have and put the rest in Gods hands.

With that being said, Crystal has been home since Saturday afternoon. Crystal and Gage have each other, have a plan and as a mother, I am so happy she met a man like that. There has been tears with this as well, tears of worry, tears of the fear of the unknown. Which brings us back to “Trust me one day at a time”, doing that doesn’t change the circumstances it changes how you look at it, it changes you.

Crystal has talked with her husband, her family, her doctors about her upcoming appointment at Mayo next week.  There has been a change in her Mayo Appointment, it has been pushed back to Tuesday, May 26th. Crystal feels very confident with this choice. Before you ask me privately how I feel about this. I am not sure what you want me to say. Yes, it makes me fearful, her team of doctors wanted to see her before the Spirit Show but she didn’t want to hear anything negative until after the Show. Yes, she looks great and feels great too but of course your mind wonders, makes you question things and worry can set in. Somedays it’s hard to control all of that. But with this virus, going to a hospital can also make you worry. “Trust me one day at a time”.

Thank you again for following her story. For loving our family. For sending prayers and positive thoughts to us.

As for her sister Courtney, our middle daughter who is getting married on May 9th. I feel for her. Her job of course is closing, no money and a wedding. A wedding that a date could change last minute. Showers, parties, all changing dates last minute because of our worlds circumstances. But as I say to my beautiful daughter, it will pass, there will be good in it even if you have to look harder for the good. It will make for an interesting memory. The most important part is you found the right person for you. You found each other and some people never find that. It reminds me of Crystal’s wedding when the roof collapsed and she had over 500 people attending the wedding, Crystal was so heartbroken, worried what to do and how to fix it, my dad can fix anything she would say. When Crystal tells the story today, she says she was so afraid to tell me what had happened to the church and the change that would have to be made the week of the wedding because then I would worry. The funny thing is Crystal says, when I called my mom she was so calm. She said it would be okay. Crystal still can’t believe how I handled it but honestly I think it was God because I remember the call, I remember being at peace, I knew it would workout and I don’t even know why.

Rod is still working, which is a blessing and Cassidy is not working however she will still get paid by her employer at the school which is a complete blessing at this time as well.

Prayers to the medical field. That they can care for all of us and themselves. Prayers to our service men and women, who give us freedom, who fight for us and can’t be with family. Prayers for my dear friends who have small businesses and are having to close their doors. Prayers to the people that have lost their jobs. ((hugs)) to the seniors in school, the athletes that just want one more game. All of our lives are changing, they will never be the same after this and if you find yourself being depressed, shut off the television, don’t listen to the news, get off social media and find yourself. When 911 happened I remember being so worried and fearful for raising these three daughters in this world. After three weeks of watching the television every minute of the day, my mother said shut if off. Funny, it helped, it didn’t change what happened, it changed my attitude.